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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sadsockpuppet23 on 2023-09-05 14:44:13.
Throwaway for privacy.
Some background. I (M35) am married to my wife (30F). My wife has a few medical issues that I’m not going to list here for privacy. But she does have a service dog that is trained to do tasks to help mitigate these issues. Her dog is five and he has been with us for three years. He is a huge help to her and helps her maintain her independence.
My sister, BIL, and their son, (3) live close to us and we see them often enough. However, my nephew has recently developed a fascination with dogs. He constantly talks about them and my sister has apparently had some issues with him constantly trying to run up to people with dogs.
This has extended towards my wife’s dog. Obviously when my wife goes out, the dog comes with her so he can alert her for any health issues. So we’ve gone over to their house or met them at a park, and my nephew will not leave the dog alone. He constantly gets in his face, tries to pet him, speaks to him, the works. This has been upsetting for my wife, because even though the dog is obviously well trained, these incidents have been significantly distracting and she is worried about him becoming off task.
Now, I don’t want to make it seem like my Sister and BIL aren’t doing anything. They’ve really been trying to keep him away and they are trying to improve his behavior towards dogs in general. But he is three and has the impulse control of well, a three year old.
After our last visit, my wife and I talked. She was very upset about how much our nephew was pestering her dog. She is afraid it could distract him and cause him to miss an alert or task, or that it could undo some (very expensive) training. She also knows that he’s young and can’t really help it. After some discussion, we both agreed we wouldn’t be visiting our nephew until he was older and has more control of himself.
I talked to my sister and while she was very upset, she did understand. She gets how dangerous the situation is and let us know they really are trying. But they will definitely miss our visits since we are all fairly close.
I thought it was a done deal until my mom called and laid into me about cutting my nephew off. She said he was a kid and couldn’t help it. I told her I was aware that he couldn’t help it but it was dangerous for my wife. She argued with me but told me I was being rude and was definitely in the wrong. I was also kind of venting about the situation to a friend and he also said he didn’t really agree with our decision.