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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/JaneAustenfangal on 2023-09-05 18:43:07.
Like many women, I have friends of both genders. I think of them as just friends. I thought this was normal and healthy. But wait, there’s Chris! We had met at a social in a park. We had spent most of the afternoon chatting with others in the group and exchanged numbers without any romantic intentions. Over the next few days and weeks Chris and I texted casually, no flirtation, no double entendres, not even any compliments. Just regular day to day stuff. We met up again with another girl from the social to go see a movie together. No big deal! He offered to drive me home. I went with him to his apartment to pick up the car and he showed me his place and we chatted for a bit before hitting the road. There was no physical contact, no “special looks”, nothing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. I had been open with Chris that I was seeing someone. I invited Chris to the end of summer fair and he asked why my guy wasn’t going. I said he was working. So Chris agreed to go.
The day before the fair, Chris is silent. The day of the fair, Chris remains silent. I found someone else to go with and messaged Chris later that evening to say he had forgotten about the fair. No response.
The day after, I get a series of messages from Chris. He suddenly declared, “I don’t want to spend time with women I’m not sleeping with”. He added bitterly that I said I was seeing someone else and he doesn’t want to be a backup option. I was floored. Chris and I had never flirted, he had never asked me out, he had made zero effort to be anything more than a very casual friend to me, in what universe was sex on the table? Was every text message he ever sent me some veiled attempt to get sex without any actual investment or effort on his part? Why was I suddenly not worth being around without sex? What the fuck happened? I challenged him on what he said, noting that we had never gone on a date, he had never asked me out, and there was no indication on any of our parts that a sexual or romantic connection was there. I added that I was not a hookup gal and nothing about me says that. He blamed me for his feelings and wouldn’t acknowledge that anything about this situation was wrong or an ugly surprise.
It’s so toxic that there are men who don’t even want to be around women if they can’t use us for sex. It’s so toxic that men can think that without any investment on their part they are owed sex. This guy literally thought that sex was his entitlement and that without it there was no point with the acquaintance. Apparently none of our conversations or jokes exchanged had any value in his life without sex. Can’t I exist around a man without being a sex object? Can’t I be a human being instead of an orifice? Can’t I have a male friend without having to wonder if he’s just talking to me for a vague hope of sex?