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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/lluviaazul on 2023-09-04 22:48:16.

First time visiting boyfriend and he lives like a rat

I’m visiting my boyfriend for the first time. We’ve been friends since we were kids. he visited me months back and afterwards we decided to be together. Before arriving I remember days back him saying he’s ‘cleaning’, I thought great! Anyways… I get here and everywhere I look it’s filthy, the night I arrived I wanted to shower because I felt sweaty from being in the airport all day, entire bathroom is nasty. I tell him, he says where’s it dirty? I’m thinking wtf…. We he visited me he saw how I live, I’m very clean and organized he clearly saw that. The thought of of walking without my sandies on repulses me… every step my sandies stick and make that gross sound. This is filth that has never been cleaned so i know it’ll progressively continue to worsen.

I’m here for a month (I know I’m a dumb fuck) and I’m so uncomfortable like I’ll probably clean the bathroom and kitchen…since I’m here for a month and I can’t live like this. But it pisses me off how he saw how I lived and then invited me into his ‘nest’ without feeling any kind of embarrassment? I just watched him spray fabreeze around the bathroom so ya that’s how he deals with it.

That being said I’ve yet to meet a man who’s clean and organized. (In the past whenever I’ve dated someone and I find they’re disgusting I know right away there’s no future and I’ve never bothered having a conversation about it.) I know they exist, but I’ve yet to meet/date one. How do I even begin this conversation with him? I’m not ok with this… the thought of one day living here, starting a family? Highly unlikely with what I’m seeing. But for the first time I want to confront this since I care about him.

I’m Mexican, and my mom raised me to always clean after my brothers and dad and I’m fucking sick of it and the idea that I’ll have to do it again. Recently my brother said I could live with him so I could save more and I agreed. His ex was also nasty, it took so many days to clean the house. She adopted a cat and dog and neglected them. (They also have a baby) At one point the whole house smelled of fermented piss and shit it was horrible. Now that it’s clean, maintaining isn’t that hard. But I’m thinking I have to do ALL THAT again!?!?

I really care for him so I need help on how to start this conversation. Like I said I’m here for a month and I’d rather have this conversation as soon as possible. I don’t really know how to start it…what words to use… I don’t want to attack him I want to find a solution… or at least have a constructive conversation around why he’s this nasty?

I apologize for my horrible grammar and punctuation.