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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/haleyhop on 2023-09-04 15:02:03.
tl;dr My husband and I got married two months ago, and I’m still feeling resentful of how he acted during wedding planning. Will this feeling ever go away?
I wanted a small courthouse wedding with only immediate family, and my husband insisted we have a big wedding. I tried to suggest a smaller wedding as a compromise, and he said having all his friends and family was very important to him. Fair enough, but I really tried to stress to him that he would need to take on some of the planning. He couldn’t assume I would do the entire thing like his friends’ wives had done.
As you can probably guess, that didn’t happen. Not only did he not help that much, he actively made things harder for me instead of easier - big ideas he wouldn’t help execute on or even research, and for the few things he did take on, procrastinated to the point it caused issues. On top of that, he wasn’t appreciative for the work I did do, instead complaining about how it wasn’t the wedding he wanted (again, he had lots of big ideas that weren’t really feasible, or if so, would take time I didn’t have).
I know some of this is my fault. When he stopped putting effort in, I should have put my foot down about it being his responsibility, instead of doing it myself.
I pushed through because all my married friends told me they had also felt resentful toward their husband, families, etc. during wedding planning, but that it went away after the wedding. That’s been true for me when it came to my parents and other family - little disagreements we got into during the wedding now feel like water under the bridge, and I can appreciate that while they did many annoying things, they ultimately meant well. But my frustration with my husband feels bigger.
I know the obvious answer is to talk to him, but I don’t know what I’d even say beyond what we’ve already talked about from when we fought during wedding planning. And there’s not anything concrete he can do now to change what happened.
Did anyone else feel this way after their wedding? Will it ever go away? How?
P.S. more than anything I wish I had some support in this, so please try not to be too harsh or sarcastic with me… there’s so many things I wish I had done differently, but it’s too late now.