This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/hansfreesolo on 2023-09-04 14:19:15.

TW: Sexual abuse/Rape

tl;dr: thinking of confronting the abuser directly after years.

My sister’s dad sexually abused me for years as a child, from the time I was 7 until I was 13. Then I left the house so it stopped. I am in my mid-thirties now.

For the record:

  • I did all the therapy (stilllll doing it)
  • Everyone knows (parents, family, etc.)
  • I tried to press charges in 2015 (in a state with no statute of limitations), but the District Attorney said there was not enough evidence so there was no case. I could still do a Civil case…but that could take years and lots of money. Not to mention having to be in the state where the crimes occurred.
  • And it’s his word against mine…he just said “No, I didn’t do it” and that was that.
  • He still lives in a house with a small child (who is his, biologically)
  • The reason I first decided to say something in 2015, aside from getting to that point in therapy, is he has another step-daughter who (at the time) was the same age I was, and the way they were behaving with each other at my sister’s birthday made me sick to my stomach. I never saw him again after that.

Anyways.

In 2021 I did confront the woman who raped me, via email and she wrote an email back both recognizing and apologizing, and it was healing in many ways.

So I thought, maybe I can confront him now.

Why do I want to confront him/say something now:

I am feeling empowered.

It feels like I am at a place/time where I have the confidence to say/do something.

I actively realized that I have passed the ages he was while he was abusing me, and it’s so incredibly effed up.

Part of me wants him to know that I know. That it was NOT okay.

I don’t think I’ll ever get an apology, hence all of the work, money, hours, therapy, etc. I have put and am putting into this.

Has anyone done this? How has it gone? Any advice/tips…? I’m happy to hear your stories. You can also DM me. Thanks ahead of time