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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Sammimad32 on 2023-09-03 20:37:10.
My husband said this to me this morning after I didn’t brew his coffee because I was up before him.
Right now we’re in a huge period of transition. We moved back to the states from Italy in June. I went back to work full time after being a sahm mom for years. We’re renovating the home we just bought, and I got all the errands done that goes with enrolling kids in a new school.
I don’t really know anything about the home projects and it kind of overwhelms me so I’ve been helping him clean up after them (some are full on demo clean ups, I run to the store if he forgot supplies, mowing the lawn and running the household. I’m trying to pull my weight with projects too. I think this is all relevant because I’ve tried not to be critical of him during this time.
After letting this remark marinate for awhile I was getting more and more upset. I listed all the nice stuff I do and to show I am thinking of him. I still do his laundry start to finish, or I’ll grab something I know he’s running of, things of that nature. Sometimes I do even brew the coffee before he wakes up so… what is he talking about? He said that’s not what he meant… that we don’t do small sweet romantic gestures just because. But this came about because of coffee, so why wouldn’t I equate that to an everyday menial task?
Throughout our 14 years of marriage, I’ve planned every single date, anniversary, bday outing. The best food I can find in our budget, the vibes of the restaurant, an activity nearby that’s a bonding experience instead of just a movie. Finding childcare for the kids and packing the kids bags. He’s never done that, I don’t think even once even though I’ve asked him to in the past. He also never does small gestures so it’s my responsibility to start being more spontaneously romantic?
We generally get along well day to day. physically affectionate, we send sweet texts, we don’t really fight and I love spending time with him. I have to wonder if this is coming about because I’m back at work and not around much, we work opposite schedules for our children.
We talked it out but I still feel salty about it. I don’t think he really gets it. It’s also my bday weekend… I wanted Mexican food but decided to bbq instead…not what I wanted but what he wanted to try out. Then I got to wake up and clean up the mess this morning. Idk what I’m really looking for from writing this, just venting and looking for validation I guess.