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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Character_Jaguar3037 on 2023-09-03 15:01:18.

Original post is here

First of all, thanks for all the comments. It really helped me to gain perspective on my situation. Nearly 4 four months later, here’s the update

After intense reflection, I decided to stick with my prior engagement and go to the wedding. I called Julia to explain briefly the situation, also called her parents to apologize and tell that I’ll come to pay my respect to them and to Dan’s grave once I’ll get my car back. They were very understanding.

Amelia was still mad at me though. She blamed me for being « tempted » by Julia and her family, again after the wedding, for pulling the long face, I was still very hurt by Dan’s death, so yeah I wasn’t at my best. Our relationship was really going sour, I felt she wasn’t supporting me while I was grieving my friend but she wasn’t on the same page. I started to see a new side of her and perphaps we weren’t meant to be. After another argument, we broke up, 1-2 weeks after the wedding. She tried to salvage our relationship but the damage was permanent. At this point, I was at my lowest, totally devastated, in just a few weeks, I lost my friend and my relationship, I was really in a bad place.

Few days after, I got my car back, luckily it was a minor issue, it didn’t cost me much. Once I got a weekend off, I visited Dan’s grave and his parents. They gifted me his stethoscope, it meant a lot to me. Julia was also there, and we all remembered our memories with Dan, very nice and emotional moments. I felt very bad about missing the funeral but his family convinced me that what mattered was how I was present for him during his life.

After that trip, I started to hang out with Julia again, it just happened naturally, even after several years, I have to admit that we still have a deep bond. Nothing romantic though, we are both grieving Dan, and I just ended my relationship with Amelia. We both agreed that rushing into a relationship would be a bad idea. Currently, we enjoy spending time as friends.

Step by step, I started to feel better, the pain is still there but I’m learning to live with it. I try to enjoy my life, to improve as a man and as a resident every day. I’m lucky to have a great support group to rely on, especially one of my co-resident who really stepped up and is becoming an awesome friend, I’m currently living with him until I find a new apartment.

I had almost no contact with Amelia since the breakup, probably for the best. I was quite bitter at one point, wondering how I went from thinking to propose her to breaking up in just a few weeks but with time I got closure. I know I have my fair share of responsability, but it is what it is.

The past is the past and now I look to the future with hope and optimism