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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/iHAMU on 2023-09-03 18:30:35.
I (27f), I’ve been conditioned to think (most of my life), that I’m supposed to get married and have children. I accepted it without thinking much of it until my late teens when I learned I actually had a choice.
Immediately I realized I did not care to have kids. Marriage? I’ve flip flopped in my choice for years. As of now I probably would if it’s the right one, but even then, the thought of having someone around all the time sounds like punishment. I’m sure being in love changes things in ways I don’t understand, but still. I need space (in ways I think are probably unrealistic in marriage).
The older I’ve gotten, the thought of having children or experiencing pregnancy has been more and more unappealing. I’ve spent my entire life around children, nieces, nephews, being a teacher, so I’d like to think I know wtf I’m talking about. Everyone says I will change my mind and it makes me angry and stubborn. For the sake of objectivity it’s not impossible but I hate that it’s expected of me, of women, and that if I deny it I’m not taken seriously or met with negativity.
I can see the benefits of children and marriage only in old age when I’m unable to take care of myself. But that seems like a selfish, exhaustive, and too long-term commitment reason to have a family. Besides, who’s to say how life would turn out?
I’d like some outside perspective. I wonder if there’s something I’m not seeing. My 20’s has been filled with learning how much I don’t know and learning just how much things (including my own opinions) change. So despite the realizations and life lessons that led to this point, I can’t help but to wonder, will something click later? Can I trust my current confidence?
So. Ladies, are you content? Have you ever had regrets? What has life been like?
TL/DR: marriage and children is expected of me. I’m confident I don’t want kids and could entertain marriage, but wondering if something will change later and would like outside perspectives.