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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jazzlike_Fig2361 on 2023-09-03 16:31:33.

My partner and I have two sons. The older is married and doesn’t plan on having children, the younger is also married but with two young kids. In addition the older lives in the same state as us while the younger is about 8 hours away. Both own their own homes already and are for the most part financially stable.

Our house has been in the family for generations. It’s on an estate with a few hundred acres of land and the building itself is mostly original, a couple hundred years old. It admittedly does have its quirks and the size makes management a little difficult but is a wonderful home. It’s most recent appraisal was a bit over 3 million dollars.

A couple months ago my younger son was visiting with his family and I mentioned how the house would be his one day. He winced a little and I asked what was wrong. He hesitantly admitted that he doesn’t want the house or anything to do with it. His family has no intention of moving back north and if they did it would be the other side of the state. I’ll admit it was disappointing to hear since our intent was to split all assets evenly- including the house- so that it would stay in the family and continue to be the meeting place.

My spouse and I talked it through and decided to change our wills. The house would go entirely to my older son and our other main assets (bank accounts, investments) would go to our younger. They can split the physical items between them. The house is worth more since the cash and investments are only around 2 million.

We had a group call and brought up the new will. My oldest was upset to say the least. He said he can’t move to the house either since he and his wife both work in the other side of the state (a 5 hour drive) and love their jobs. They have pensions, career tracks, and don’t plan on leaving. I said they could have someone maintain the house when they aren’t using it but he just got annoyed and said that would be a massive drain on their finances, let alone property tax and if anything breaks and needs repair. I said he’s being a brat since his brother lives farther and has a family to care for, the house doesn’t work for him and we want to be fair. The call ended very tense.

My younger is pleased with the outcome but my older is obviously not. He later said he now knows we favor his brother and will keep that in mind when elder care comes up and he’s the one nearby. This seems like a low blow but I don’t know if it’s deserved. AITA?

Edit: I was told to add this to the main post. The house cannot be sold, by us or either son. A long time ago previous owners made a deal with the town to pay less in property taxes in exchange for the surrounding acreage being public trails. It also had a provision that the house cannot be sold publicly, if we no longer wanted the property the town will buy it for land value.