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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/grkchk on 2023-09-03 15:58:22.
Like the title says one of my 20+ year childhood friends is stuck in an abusive relationship. He has caused fights with all of her friends and family to isolate her. Within the first month she was with this man I told her he was bad news and pointed out all the red flags and conflict he’s created with her entire support system - but she was recently divorced and lonely with her toddler. Somehow I have not been on the chopping block because now that I see his pattern I’m very careful not to say anything bad about him that might get back. I’m literally the only friend she has left.
But to explain how bad this situation is, he had her sell her house, quit her job, combine their finances, takes care of his children and now she’s heavily pregnant. She calls me every other day crying for hours on the phone because of the horrible things he tells her and the way he treats her. I mean the most vile, disgusting things a man could ever say to a woman, nevertheless a pregnant woman. Is constantly accusing her of cheating, catfishes and harasses her male high school friends on social media, has all of her emails etc logged into his phone, cameras all over the house and simultaneously denies the pregnancy is his. Twice she has called me hysterical because he backhanded her in the mouth.
I have given her all the advice and resources to leave, but she will not. As soon as she mentally breaks down and can’t take it anymore, he is suddenly nice and loving to her (but always temporarily). She’s convinced one day it will stay that way. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating for me to hear it and takes a lot of time from my family to stay on the phone with her while she vents her understandable frustrations. I just don’t know how much more I can listen to it. I was upset all day yesterday after hearing the texts messages he was sending her. Her baby is due in a couple weeks and she thinks when he sees the baby he will fall in love and change his ways but fear things will get really bad under the stress of a newborn.
But this is taking a mental toll on me. Am I a monster for limiting my contact with her at this point? At what point am I enabling? I’m truly worried for her and have considered even calling her father to tell him what’s happening but she would hate me forever if I did that. She paints a very different picture to her family in hope one day things will be better. I’m not even sure how much he will help.
I really don’t know how to navigate this situation, but not sure how much more I can listen to it. I feel like a terrible friend leaving her alone with this asshole.