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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/justhp on 2023-09-03 03:09:57.
The title is vague, I know. I found it hard to word the problem.
Anyway, so I am the cook of our household: I do all of it. I enjoy cooking, and enjoy experimenting in the kitchen. As of late, I have been making pizzas and learned about cold fermentation. For the uninitiated, it is allowing the dough to rise slowly in the fridge for a few days. I have learned that NY style pizza is made this way, and I have been itching to recreate it at home since I grew up with it. I thought “if they do it, I should try it too”
Its not a “hard” process, but it is lots of small steps spread out over several days.
She asked while I was making it; “why does this have to be so complicated?, every dough i see on youtube takes like an hour” (referring to the classic technique of rising it at room temperature) I briefly explained that this process makes a more airy crust with a unique flavor, and is what every pizza shop in NY (and in Naples) is doing.
She replied “i dont like that, you are making it too complicated. The best homemade pizza I ever had was storebought” (the kind that you add water, mix, and bake).
Now, I wasn’t upset at all that she likes that kind of homemade pizza. If thats what she likes, so be it. I fully believe in “not yucking someone else’s yum”. But what really frustrated me was that she was making it sound like I was doing all that extra effort for no good reason. Like it was totally unappreciated. And frankly, I much prefer food I make from scratch over storebought, and since I am doing the cooking: I feel that I get to make that decision.
So, I threw the dough I was working on into the trash and said “fine, I am glad you appreciate my cooking” (obviously sarcastic) and left to cool off in our bedroom. She came in maybe an hour later and didn’t apologize, but said “why are you so upset?” I explained, again, that her comment made me feel unappreciated. She just kinda scoffed, and walked away.
Note: this was not something we were going to eat that day for dinner, since it is a 3 day process. So I did not ruin that day’s dinner plans by tossing the dough.
Did I overreact? I really love cooking (particularly from scratch), its not only a necessity to survive, but a hobby for me. But having someone not appreciate the effort i put into it just kills the joy for me.
ETA: if it comes up as a question: I purchased the ingredients myself (no joint account) since the four was 00 flour, which is not something we keep on hand.
ETA2: Timeline: this occurred yesterday. I had just started the process of making it.
ETA3: since tone/infection is hard to type: while my comment was sarcastic, i did not yell, and nor did i toss it dramatically in the trash. Just put it in there like i would anything else, and calmly walked to our bedroom. Making space to cool off has always been a coping mechanism for me to prevent escalation/further escalation in any argument, before returning to it with a clear head.