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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/somerandomthrow1 on 2023-09-03 01:09:32.
Throwaway because my husband knows my main account.
I am in graduate school in an industry where it’s expected that I will publish papers and reviews. I have been married for 5 years and when I married, I hyphenated my last name to include my husbands. However, in my professional life, I would prefer to keep my maiden name in case anything changes in the future (because once you commit to a name in academic publications, you have to stick with it).
Why I want to keep it:
- Shorter and more practical than my hyphenated name
- In case of future relationship status changes
- I like the name I was born with
- My other degrees have my maiden name and I’d like them to be consistent
- I have my own identity outside of marriage
I am obviously not anticipating that we will divorce. We are quite happily married, but my husband seems offended that I don’t want to use my hyphenated name. I tried explaining to him the reasons above but I think he’s reading too much into it. He thinks I don’t want people to know I’m married …? Or that I’m “scrubbing his name” off the record and disregarding the help he’s given me over the years to pursue my education, which is ridiculous. I don’t feel that way at all, I just want to have my own freakin name on my degrees and publications! It’s not that deep. It’s such a strange hill for him to die on.
TLDR: My husband is upset that I don’t want to use my married name in my professional career.