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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Acrobatic-Award8475 on 2023-09-03 00:40:11.
Throwaway.
Me (F30) and my husband (M33) recently had a baby boy. My husband had a serious surgery on his hip just a few weeks prior to my delivery. So for the first month post-partum, I was pretty much stuck doing everything by myself as he was still recovering and had a lot of pain. That month was HELL, didn’t get much help from anyone as my mom works all the time.
After that first month post-partum passed, my husband started getting better and stepping up with the baby.
Now for context as far as my FIL goes, my husband doesn’t have a great relationship with him. He cheated and neglected my MIL (as in, would go out for days at a time to get drunk with his friends, leaving her with 2 babies and no money for groceries) when husband was baby, to the point were my MIL took both her kids and flew back to her home country. It was a whole drama as FIL did not consent to it, but he always refused to pay child support. He told my MIL she needs to come back or will get nothing from him. Anyway, this is a short version, but it gives you an idea of the family dynamic. FIL still cared enough for his children that when they reached 18, he proposed they go live with him and study in his country as it has better opportunities. The relationship improved but the trauma remained unadressed.
Now back to present day. FIL visited us and passed odd comments, that I thought were jokes at first. My husband, since he feels better, changed most diapers and does more than his share to let me recover from the month I had to endure. His dad picked up on that and would pass comments like “men are not supposed to work in the house and change diapers”. Tbh I was too tired to pay attention to it, but it still caught my attention. A few days later, Im out for dinner with my girlfriends, he calls my husband and husband casually mentioned it. FIL tells him I should stay home and be a mother. (My husband has this strategy where he just ignores his stupid comments and lives his life however he wants). Some time later we see them at their place for a bbq, he finds a way to mention that only women change diapers etc. I kinda snapped and told him “is this the 50s? Also, knowing your family history, we’ll hold off from taking you as a parenting role model”.
He turned red, left the table and been giving the silent treatment since.
So am I an asshole for pushing what I know to be a painful button?