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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Recent_Story_4697 on 2023-09-02 16:16:23.
I (f,31) have a friend (32), let’s call her Laura. We’ve been friends since elementary school, but our relationship had a few rough patches. We’re close, but she can be a little self-centered and callous. I know it’s rooted in childhood trauma and it’s not intentional. She suffers the most from constantly driving people away, but sometimes it’s still hard to stay by her side.
Laura had a one night stand, and got pregnant. I told her it would be irresponsible to be a single mom when she can barely support herself, but she’s decided to keep it anyway, so now she has a 2 month old daughter, Mia.
She had to quit her job halfway through the pregnancy, because it was harder than expected, and obviously can’t go back in the near future. She’s also depleted her savings and now her only income is child care benefit and monthly allowance from her parents until she can get a job, but it’s not enough to cover her expenses.
Last week she came up with the idea that they could move into my guest room. She thinks it’d be perfect, because I own the apartment so there’s no rent, we can split bills and groceries, I can watch the baby when Laura’s tired and she can help out with chores while I’m working.
I said no, and couldn’t even explain why, because she immediately started screaming about how I’m a selfish, heartless AH, how can I be so cruel and cold, and that I don’t understand what she’s going through. I tried to tell her to move back home because I know Laura’s mom already offered it, but she called me an AH again, because as a mother she can’t live with her parents.
Even though she can be a bit entitled, it’s never been this bad, so her behaviour came as a surprise. I gave her a few days to calm down, then I called to explain that while I love them both, I can’t take them in. I’ve already helped Laura buy newborn essentials, and I told her I can help cleaning or cooking, so she can have some rest, but I can’t do anything more. I’ve recently been diagnosed with panic disorder, I’m at the end of my rope and I’m clearly not in the mental or emotional state to basically adopt a family.
She started crying and said that she’s disappointed in me, because I have no idea what it means to be a mother, and I don’t even try to understand her situation. Then she told me she’s not sure anymore if they even need me in their life.
I feel guilty and terrible for not being able to do more for them, especially for Mia who doesn’t deserve to grow up like this, and I know Laura needs help because being a single mother is terrifying, but I can’t do more. I can’t do more. She says a real friend wouldn’t put herself first, but if I don’t put myself first now, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to recover from this disorder. But maybe she’s right, and I’m just being a selfish AH now. AITA?