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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fantastic-Insect-444 on 2023-09-02 06:19:21.
My wife of 11 years (together for 19) unexpectedly passed away in her sleep recently at aged 45. She had no known health problems and results are still pending. About four months ago, we “unofficially” separated. Nothing legal, she got her own apartment, we were still very civil. It was 100% my fault. I have severe depression and anxiety plus ADHD and recently diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum. She had to get away. Fortunately, I got a therapist and someone to manage my meds and I really feel I’m on the right road - long road to walk, but right road. She had always kept the door open to possibly reconciling in the future if my mental health improved. Just ran out of time.
There were a few things we discussed over the years about her final wishes. One had to do with her sorority pin. It seems like a small deal, but she was 100% certain she wanted to follow all their traditions. One of which is sending the pin back to headquarters after the service. Her mother is totally against this and wants to keep it. She doesn’t even want to display it the correct way at the service. Since we were “unofficially” separated, I am still then next of kin so technically I have all the decision making power. I am putting my foot down on this and demanding we respect her final wishes. I’m willing to compromise on other items but the ones that we discussed and I’m 100% sure what her wishes are, I am not. I am being called an asshole for try to override a grieving mother. So, AITA?