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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Zealousideal-Sell137 on 2023-09-01 23:20:10.
So I met up with a former boss for drinks tonight, he’s a bit of a mentor to me, but we lost touch since he moved back to Europe with his family.
Anyway, I’ve had phenomenal career success in the last 3 years. I was basically mid level in my career (as expected) at the age of 29 with 6 years experience. Now almost 4 years later, I’m in London making close to £120k (plus 20% bonus)…which might seem low in US stanards, but in London’s it’s a top 5% salary.
4 years ago, i went through a hard breakup where I second guessed myself a lot. I do regret breaking up, I was the problem and I hurt him badly.
That guilt though affected in a strangely positive way.
I began to be much less of a people pleaser at work. To be honest at that point in my life I didn’t give two shits about my work.
I came in (or showed up) and just did the minimum, was a harsh and said no a lot to new demands, focused only on what was priority.
I was struggling emotionally, but I became first pick for being a project lead. Then after 2 years of that, I got promoted to Manager, a month ago I got promoted to Head it’s very likely and a few have mentioned it that I’ll be an executive within 5 years or less.
I was telling my mentor this, and he looked at me and said you know why they’re promoting your right? I was confused and asked why? He said bluntly, ‘it’s because you’re behaving assertive, a bit like a man, and men respond to that and trust it’.
I thought about it, and it’s true. My professional demeanor has evolved to become way more assertive, straightforward, and self-assured.
I didn’t conciously say to my self, I’m gonna behave like a man. I just stopped caring about sucking up and being a people pleaser.
I now have a much bigger team (34) people under me and it’s become very obvious that most of the women are people pleasers, they’re more timid and less confident.
I had done analysis on gender wage gaps and always saw the main factor that negatively correlated to pay wasn’t actually gender, but agreeableness which women tend to score higher in was mostly what it came down to (which meant women didn’t negociate, know their worth, nor took risks).
Why are we more like this? Is nature or nurture (perhaps both)?
Is even fair that men tend to have the personalities that get rewarded the most?