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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/mybodyisnotmine on 2023-09-01 21:49:08.

I invited a guy friend from HS to an art show I was a part of last weekend. He brought a guy friend who was also in my class, but I had no memory of. I haven’t seen him in over a decade, but we’ve talked a few times over the years - every time he mentioned how deeply he was in love with me and each time I said I don’t feel that way and just want to be friends. He always agreed and then we’d talk about other things before going years without talking again. I guess I should’ve known when he kept making advances it was not a good sign, but I pitied him more than anything and he presented himself as this sweet innocent guy who really cared about me. I “know” this guy - he’s harmless. Right?

I’ll let what I sent to him tell the events of the night that led me to post this.

I started by asking if he blacked out at any point/does he remember the whole night, to get him engaged before I dropped the hammer. I also sent it on Instagram so I could see whether he read it or not. He responded yes but he’d had high anxiety the last few days as I wasn’t responding to his handfuls of texts, once again complaining that I’m ignoring him.

I sent the following:

“I was hoping you’d have realized a lot of your actions were extremely inappropriate and address them by now. I know you have feelings for me. I have made it abundantly clear, however, many times, including recently that I don’t see you as anything other than a friend. I invited you to my event on Saturday as a friend, not a date. First, you hugged me/put your arm around me so many times at (event location) I lost count. It felt like you were marking your territory, and I didn’t like that, but I didn’t want to “make a scene” in front of people I’m becoming friends with.

When we were in the backseat together, you tried to hold my hand and I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to do that – you already knew that. Then you did it again but more forcefully and when I tried to get out of it like the first time, you held my hand tighter and refused to let go. That was not okay, and I had every right to accost you, but I was already in the car with you guys and didn’t want to “be a bitch.” I also was not told that we wouldn’t be coming back to (event location) and if I had known I wouldn’t have gone to (other location) at all.

When we were at (other location), you pulled me off the booth to dance as I was telling you no multiple times. Again, you didn’t take no for an answer. I did not enjoy dancing at all. Especially when I was facing you and you aggressively turned me around to dance behind me, like twice. I don’t dance like that with my guy friends. You also breathed into my neck, spoke right into my ear telling me how “fucking sexy” I am and even licked my earlobe and kissed my neck. You tried to pull me up to dance again and I had to say no SO many times before you stopped – and when you did you made me feel bad about it. I shouldn’t have to say no more than once, and I never have to explain myself.

When it was time to leave, I agreed to go to your house because (friend) was there. I would not have gone there if it were just me and you. Then (friend), the only sober one and my ride back to (event location), left. Which meant I was either going to have to pay for an Uber or spend the night, right?

Being alone with you was not a part of the plan, especially after everything that had already happened.

I also didn’t like that you only got me a shot and not one for yourself. That alone is a red flag, combined with everything else?

You had your arms around me all night. You were holding onto my hands again. And then you used it as an opportunity to press my hands into your crotch and say, “I also have an 8-inch wiener”, shortly followed by “I want to eat you out."

I should’ve ditched you a lot sooner, but when that happened, I knew it was time for me to go.

My friend didn’t have an emergency. I texted him in the bathroom, asked him to pick me up and sent my location. I called him when you went to the bathroom and said that when you come out, you’ll be right on me, so he needs to pretend he needs me. And when you came out, you again wrapped your arms around me from behind and practically listened to my phone call.

The things you did over the night made me feel it was necessary to lie to you – because you clearly were not taking no for an answer – and I realized you’re just a stranger that I don’t know very well.

When my friend showed up, you did not let go of me and even told me, not asked me, that you were going to kiss me. My friend could see you behaving how I had described and rolled his window down to help me. He said he almost got out of the car. Then you insulted him and me by saying you hate him. And then as I got in the car, you insulted us both again when you yelled, “thanks for ruining the night!” Let me make it clear – no one ruined the night except you. I immediately started crying when we left.

It doesn’t matter how many drinks you’ve bought for me. It doesn’t matter if you came to my event to support me. It doesn’t matter if you compliment me all night or get teary-eyed while (again) asking me things you’ve already gotten the answer to.

You are NOT allowed to hold my hand or grind on me without my permission and you sure as hell are not allowed to press my hands into your crotch, kiss/lick my ear and tell me sexually explicit things you wouldn’t also tell your guy friends. Have you ever made (friend) graze your boner? I doubt it.

You crossed physical and emotional boundaries many times. I NEVER once gave you consent to touch me sexually or to talk to me about your genitalia or what you’d do to me in bed.

You disrespected me on the highest level and if you were another random dude, I would’ve been much more severe with you on the first strike.

All I want from you is confirmation that you’ve read this and an apology – a simple apology, no paragraphs, no explaining.

I am not interested in being your friend anymore. I will be blocking you after this. Do not attempt to contact me or (my little sister who was in the class behind us). Don’t follow me from fake accounts.

Don’t have your friends check on me for you. Don’t attempt to call or text me.

Don’t make this worse.”

He responded immediately with:

“I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I don’t have an excuse worthy enough. I am devastated at my actions.”

I feel gross, stupid, and angry. I pride myself on being outspoken and standing up for myself so…why didn’t I?

I was scared. But to admit that feels worse. I’ve been molested before and it has brought up a lot of unpleasant memories. I also knew that man and a second time now it was another acquaintance - the statistic is painfully true. So, who do we trust? When can we relax?

I shared the message with a couple gal pals before I sent it and they said they loved what I wrote - just thought I’d share it here for a) validation and moral support and b) give an example of setting boundaries and reclaiming a sense of control and safety.

He doesn’t know where I live, and I acknowledge those who are not currently in a safe position to say something like this to their offender. If that’s you, I’m deeply sorry and I hope you are one day soon.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.