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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Aggressive-Ad-6020 on 2023-09-01 11:30:05.
This is a bit of a rant. Going through the process of divorce now, and really liked my married last name. I contemplated keeping it - it suited my first name well and just an all around good last name. It’s been my identity for many years, most of the people in my life now have only ever known me by that name.
The longer this divorce goes on, however, the more I want to distance from the last name because of the man it’s attached to. How would I explain to future partners without it getting weird, if I kept it?
I’m resentful that I’m no longer comfortable with it, but my maiden name no longer really suits me either. At this point, it’s the childhood version of me.
I just want to have MY name now. Not beholden to the man I end up with. I only want to change my name once ever again … Except maybe a shared hyphenated name and my future partner better do the same with me.
I dunno, it’s just a lot. I hate that so many of my memories have soured, how the subtle but meaningful everyday rituals will never be repeated, and my identity is being re-arranged on many fronts.
Including my freaking name.
About half the population (cis men) have likely never once had to think about changing their name. Even progressive men get squeamish if asked. What utter BS.