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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LilRedCaliRose on 2023-08-31 19:41:41.
My husband (41M) wants to take our toddler son (2.5M) to his remote Canadian cottage without me. This cottage is in another country (it’s in Canada, we are from the US), so on top of it being a 4.5 hour flight away, it requires a 3 hour drive and then a 30+ minute ferry ride, as the cottage is located on an island that is ONLY accessible by boat. Last time we stayed at the cottage, there was no hot shower water for the entire 5 days. Before that, I was exposed to bats in the sleeping room and had to drive to New York to get vaccinated for rabies. Before that trip, we lost power and had no hot water and I had food poisoning (the water is unfiltered from the lake). It’s always something going wrong and I’m just so, so, sick of it. I told him I’d stay for 2-3 nights next year, but I don’t want to stay 5 nights again. It’s also very difficult with a toddler who never sleeps through the night. This cottage means a lot to my husband (he has fond memories of being there with his family and friends when growing up), but it has always been a source of intense anxiety and discomfort for me. From the bugs, to the bats, to the lack of basic amenities (we often lose power or hot water), I just always get stressed and dread being there. Every single year I dread it. My husband knows this and has been working on “fixing up” the cottage, but it’s just very uncomfortable for me and he knows this. I have put up with it for years but I’m tired and want to limit how long I will stay there in the future.
Now he is threatening to take our 2.5 year old son there for a week+ without me, which I find unacceptable. I have never threatened to take our son anywhere without his consent, much less to another country. Our son is afraid of flies (screams and cries whenever they get near) and doesn’t sleep through the night. I don’t think he will enjoy this trip that he’s too young to consent to, especially with his mom gone.
AITA for telling my husband that I won’t allow him to take my son to a different country without my consent?