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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/hydroplane01 on 2023-08-31 15:31:24.
Before my daughter “Christina” (currently 19F) started high school, I made her a deal that if she kept above a 3.9 GPA for her freshman through junior year, I would buy her a car for up to $20,000 to have her senior year (on condition that if her GPA dipped below a 3.9 I would take it away). She kept a 4.0 throughout high school, so I let her pick out a car before senior year. During her sophomore year, I met my now wife “Jenny” (now 40F) and her daughter “Emily” (17F). Emily started her senior year a couple weeks ago, and a few days ago she texted me asking when I was going to take her to look at cars. This took me by surprise, as I didn’t realize she expected a car. She has a 2.7 GPA and spends more time curating her Instagram than doing her homework. I explained to her that Christina received her car as a reward for good grades, not as a given. I later felt bad because I guess I didn’t give her the same incentive that I gave Christina, and I told her that if she could get a 3.9 GPA with her senior year grades AND get into an accredited college or university, I would let her pick out a car upon graduation.
I thought this was a fair deal, or even UNFAIR towards Christina since I made HER keep a 3.9 for all FOUR years of high school, but Jenny pulled me aside after Emily went to school and told me I was being unfair since Emily had different circumstances than Christina. For background, Jenny’s ex husband–and Emily’s bio dad–was a very wealthy man who spoiled the crap out of her. Everything she wanted, all she had to do was ask for, for the first 12 years of her life. She didn’t try in school because her dad promised he would get her into any college she wanted, and give her a job at his company afterwards. Then, when Emily was 12, her dad was arrested for serious tax fraud. Essentially, he is in prison now, and Jenny has some money of her own but nothing compared to the life of luxury they were both used to. I think Emily is very hurt by what happened, and she also hasn’t had the chance to develop a work ethic.
I told Jenny that I think my only wrongdoing was not helping Emily develop a work ethic sooner, and that my hope is that she rises to the occasion, cleans up her act, and gets the car. I also said I would do everything I could to help Emily research colleges and perfect her application, but Jenny wasn’t having it. She and Emily have both been giving me the cold shoulder the past couple of days and still think I’m treating Emily unfairly. I really don’t know what to do. I want to give Emily a goal that is challenging but attainable, but at the same time I don’t want to put a strain on my relationship with my family.
Edit: Formatting
Edit 2: more formatting issues