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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/stygeanhugh on 2023-08-31 08:56:01.
I have been with my SO for 8 years now. We are not married and do not live together. We have no children. I am 40f, he is 50f. He is an alcoholic. Has a day labor/fork lift job, lives with his parents. I am newly disabled, morbidly obese, and living off of SDI. I have an apartment I moved in to a year ago. I thought once I got a place he would move in, but he didn’t. I also thought when I was declared disabled in January he would move in to help me, but he didn’t.
I’ve been particularly depressed about my situation, I still feel young at heart and feel as if a lot of my independence has been robbed from me. I do not drive, and now I’m on oxygen, and though I have a travel tank it’s only good for 2 hrs. So if I do go somewhere it’s a short trip. Even visiting family is a challenge because my main oxygen supply is not portable. My sister and mom live an hour away.I was always heavy, but in May I hit my heaviest at 445.
He has always been an asshole. In fact, when we got together and we’re first dating, he warned me that he was a huge a-hole. I laughed it off, because that couldn’t apply to me, right? Wrong. He waited well over a year to introduce me to family. In fact he waited so long, his mother tracked me down on social media, found out where I worked and came to my job to introduce her self. I had been invited to several family get togethers a where he showed up alone, and I had no idea. I knew he was ashamed of me then, and when I did start going to family gatherings he would monitor what and how much I ate.
Over the years he’s become more misogynist. He makes comments about women being dumb, or unable to do a job because “girls can’t (fill in the blank.)” He even snatches the remote out of my hand when watching TV and tells me I don’t know how to use the remote.
He has never helped support me. I’ve never asked him for money. Before I got my last job, he said I seemed like someone who just wanted to live off a government check my whole life. I’d never lived off a government check, though at the time I was helping take care of my totally disabled and dying father. So I got a part time job. I’ve never even so much as borrowed bus money from him. I worked at my job for 7 years. I started at the bottom as a part time sales associate and worked my way all the way to full time assistant store manager. During the pandemic, while my store was closed I got a job as a cashier at discount grocery store and worked my way up to management there as well. He’s never once congratulated me. Never once said good job. When my dad died and I could no longer stand living with my step mother, who was over bearing and didn’t respect boundaries, I was lucky to find a low income apartment. Instead of congratulating me , he threw a fit and broke up with me for several weeks because if he couldn’t do it either could I. He accused me of having an affair with my best friend and supporting my self though using other men rather than accepting that I was busting my 350lb ass working 16 hr days at two retail jobs.
When I became disabled in January, he told me I better get well fast because he wasn’t going to put up with it forever. There’s a lot more to my condition, but the reality is I can only heal as fast as my body will allow. In may when I hit 445, I went on a strict diet. I’ve lost 40lbs so far (yay!) Again no congrats or shows of approval. In fact he’s accused me of lying and continues to police me when I eat, even tho everything I eat is meticulously planned, counted, weighed, and logged. “Do you need that?” “I don’t care if it’s just a grape! Do you need another grape?” The policing is very counter productive. It makes me want to give up and just eat everything out of spite.
Last night was kinda the last straw for me. Nothing major happened. I just realized I’m at my breaking point. His hours got cut at work so he now is off on Weds. So Tuesdays he’s been bringing an overnight bag and sleeping here. We don’t sleep together. He says my snoring keeps him awake, but in reality he sleeps in the middle of the bed, constantly tells me I take up too much room, to move over, and flails around in his sleep like a toddler. Will unconsciously slap me in the head with his arm or kick me while sleeping. So I sleep on the couch. Well last night he passed out on the couch with his legs hanging over the arm. He kept kicking the table at the end of the couch, knocking things off on to the floor. Finally I got him up and made him get in bed. He immediately started throwing pillows at me saying they weren’t good enough he wanted the right pillows. Why are my pillows so stupid? Just drunken bs. He gets in the middle of the bed and tells me to move over. I just got up and got on the couch. I didn’t fall asleep until 4 am, and at 9am was woken to him screaming at me that I was wasting his day off sleeping all day. Screaming. Then he sat down and turned on the PlayStation.
I sheepishly admitted to him that my chest hurt, it had for a few days and that I didn’t feel good. He said, " that’s because you don’t do shit all day and you don’t exercise." He then goes on to tell me to get ready we are going to the store for supplies to BBQ at his parents. I declined . I didn’t feel like having my meals for the day dictated to me by him. ( I’m only allowed to eat one time a day on his days off and it has to be what he prepared regardless of my diet stipulations.) I said no. He said fine and he left. I thought I had gotten out of having to deal with him for the day. He came back around 2.
We watched TV for a while and as we were laying on the couch, I was cuddling with my cat, he looks at my cat, sticks his finger in the cats face and says “you two are the laziest mfer’s I’ve ever met in my whole life.” I was so mad, but I just kept my mouth shut. I’m not lazy. I’m fat yes. Lazy, no. Our TV show was over and he’s watching Joe Rogan clips on YouTube. Joe, of course, says something dumb I don’t agree with and I say something about it. SO asks for further explanation, but before I can speak he cuts me off, " never mind. I don’t know what goes on in your head. Nothing you say ever makes sense." Now I’m livid. But I don’t say anything. I don’t say anything until it’s time for him to leave. And he doesn’t even seem to realize I’m angry or upset or quiet for a reason. He left and I shut and locked the door behind him.
The thing is, this isn’t my first relationship. I never would have taken such blatant disrespect from ANY of my previous bfs and would have fought tooth and nail over my dignity. But now I don’t even recognize myself. Idk who I am that I just take this bull shit from this man-toddler.
I plan on telling him not to bother coming by tomorrow. And maybe figure out a way to visit my sister for a few days. I just hate leaving the cats alone. I don’t know how to get out of this relationship. We’ve fought and broken up before and he always comes crawling back and I always let him. And he never changes. I just don’t know what to do anymore. But I know I don’t want to be subject to this any longer.