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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Short-Internet-4921 on 2023-08-31 06:39:59.
My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been together for 10 years, married 5. We grew up completely different. She’s the only child of a surgeon father. Her mother died when she was 2 and it was her and her father for most of her life. He remarried when she was 17. He’s wealthy, sent her to private school, paid for her college, and when we met a decade ago he was still paying her rent, even though she had a solid job. I come from a poor family. But we both have pretty good jobs and make around the same amount of money now.
She is such a daddy’s girl and it’s been affecting our relationship. Anytime she wants or needs something, she goes to her dad first. And sometimes it’s about things I could help with. I work in tech and back when we started dating she was starting grad school and she asked her dad “what laptop should I get” I told her I actually work in the field (which she already knew) and could easily answer that and get her what she needs and she just kind of shrugged. Okay fine. These little things have happened throughout the last decade. But, there have been bigger issues recently. Last year, she decided she needs a new car. I disagreed. Her car is fine and she works from home and barely drives. She was adamant, though. About a month later, she tells me she’s getting a new car. I told her we need to make these decisions together and we share finances and this is a major purchase. She says, “oh, my dad is buying it. He said we can just sell mine and get some extra money.” I told her it’s kind of ridiculous to ask her dad to buy her a brand new car when she has a perfectly good one and we don’t need it anyways. She got upset and said it’s not that big of a deal and her dad doesn’t mind and that the car “wasn’t that expensive anyways.” She said I’m overreacting and that it’s okay for her dad to do nice things for her. She got a brand new 2022 car completely paid for by her dad. And we sold her old one. Now, we are buying a new house. We’ve finally narrowed it down to two options. We were discussing it last week and my wife says “oh I don’t think house A is good my dad said he think we could do a lot better in our budget.” Before she talked to her dad, she LOVED House A. So, I got a bit frustrated and said it didn’t matter what her dad thought because this is our family’s home and he won’t be living there. She got angry. We started arguing. We both said mean things. I called her a spoiled brat and said she needed to grow up and she got upset and slept in the guest room and has it’s been a few days and we have barely spoken. She said I was “so mean” to her.