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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old_Resolution8423 on 2023-08-30 23:15:08.
I have been friends with Tim for a few years, and he separated from his wife Amy 6 months ago. Once he moved into his new place, we began dating. Amy thinks there was overlap, but there wasn’t. Also, what Amy thinks means nothing to me. Tim separated from Amy because an incident finally took place that she should have been arrested for, and he could have gotten a restraining order for. It’s her own fault they separated, and it was a despicable thing she did, it had zero to do with me.
Amy has been erratic for their entire relationship. I have always known this and witnessed it a number of times for the past few years I have known them. She has been in and out of psychiatric treatment and nothing has helped much. When Amy had their first child, she actually stabilized mentally for a while. She really wanted a second child and thought it would help so Tim agreed. But after the second child she actually got a lot worse, and again, medication didn’t help her. She did get help again but it didn’t seem to work.
It’s clear Amy really loves her children and she has never done anything to harm them, as far as I know. She mainly releases her extreme rage towards Tim, plus whoever else sticks up for him or is in the vicinity when she goes off. Even though Amy is erratic, I believe she is in full control over her actions and behaviors. She chooses when to go off and when to present a different image to the world. She’ll say that she only goes off “when people piss her off” so she herself is admitting it’s her entitlement to dictate what everyone around her should do and how they should cater to her.
Like I said Amy loves her children, and she is extremely obsessed with them. She thinks they are unique, special children unlike the world has ever seen. All parents think this of their kids, but Amy thinks it to the point of extreme delusion. She is one of those moms that will bully other children on the playground so her kids can always get their way. Her favorite threat to others is “you’ll never be allowed to see my kids again.” It’s one thing to say this to someone who gives a shit, like grandparents, but she’ll threaten neighbors and others with that too.
Since I started dating Tim, Amy is obsessed with the idea that I want to be the “new mommy.” She has “told me off” on many different formats about how I will NEVER be her kids’s new mommy and how I’m “delusional trash” if I think I can be a mommy etc.
Usually I laugh this off, I don’t even like kids, and their kids are exceptionally unpleasant to be around. They’re bullies, entitled, and think the world revolves around them. I don’t blame them for this because it’s not their fault and they’re still very young. I’m trying to appreciate them but have zero desire to be their mommy.
One time Amy caught me on the wrong day and I said, “Amy get over it, I don’t give a crap about your kids.” It’s not even true, I do care about the kids even though I don’t want to be their mommy. But AITA?