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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Summertimehype on 2023-08-30 21:44:51.

English is not my first language so please excuse the typos.

My(30) brother (29) is getting married in two weeks. We have had a non existent relationship for most of our lives, attended different schools and generally did not speak to each other. Growing up in an immigrant household where gender norms are exploited ( I did all of the cooking and had to literally serve my brother meals), I’ll admit I grew to resent him by the time I hit early teens. While he was encouraged to follow his dreams and spoiled by my parents our entire childhood, I was told that I’d have an arrange marriage by the time I turned 20. Thankfully I got a full ride to a state university and attained a job abroad shortly after.By the time I graduated from university my father disowned me ( I turned down a marriage proposal that his ENTIRE family pushed for). My brother while not agreeing with me getting disowned basically told me that I should have said yes anyway. During my time abroad my brother and I would check in every few months. These check ins were no longer than 5-10 mins and consisted of him updating me about our parents and younger siblings ( they are a decade plus younger than us and I call them separately).

Two years ago I went back home and planned to stay for a few months to take care of our mom (my father actually went on vacation ) and was shocked to see that my brother had moved back in with them (he told me he moved to a town near by). When I asked our mom why she needed me home when her adult son (who was not paying any bills and worked with our father) was at home, she said she couldn’t trust him to take her to her appointments. My brother and I got into a huge argument about how he wasn’t able to take care of our mom WHILE HE WAS LIVING AT THE HOUSE, and had me fly for two days. I ended up leaving after a month.

Cut to a month ago, my mother calls to tell me that my brother is engaged and that I would need to fly home to attend the wedding with her. She said that she would NEED me to attend because my fathers side has been invited as well and would like to have someone she trusts sit with her. I refused bc 1) while my brother told me about his engagement we are barley on speaking terms 2) my father would be in attendance and I have not spoken to him since he disowned me nine years ago. My mother called again last night in tears about how she cannot attend without me, I reiterated that I have no intention of going and the thought alone makes me itch with anxiety. Minutes after the phone call I get a voice note from my mother stating that she’d miss her son’s wedding if I don’t show up. While my fathers family is terrible, I also genuinely dislike her son. So AITA?