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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/AnyelevNokova on 2023-08-30 15:47:30.
Long story short, I ended our relationship after weeks and months of not feeling good about things, not feeling like a priority, him being avoidant and distant, etc. etc. I tried repeatedly to hash this out but apparently asking for the absolute bare minimum is “asking for more.” There was lying, there was a few instances of SA that I swept under the rug, there were countless “I’ll pay you back when I get paid” or even me just buying him groceries and things knowing he wouldn’t be repaid. I called out of work to take care of his house and his animals when he broke his leg (twice!)… I busted my ass for this guy. When I wasn’t in the room I might as well have not existed, but we really did have a lot of great memories together. He was absolutely capable of being a charming, wonderful gentleman… when he wanted to. Two and a half years, I put up with a lot of nonsense and ignored so many red flags that the CCP has me on speed dial asking where they can send my membership card.
My bc failed. I was going to tell him I was pregnant but he was “out with his uncle” (turns out to have been a date), and I miscarried the next day. Didn’t even get a phone call, just an extremely vague text. So I dumped him, and spent the next week crying, and crying, and crying some more, over a guy I still loved intensely. But something still didn’t sit right. There were lots of suss events that occurred; lies I would catch him in, condoms (expired) all over the floor he claimed he was keeping in a boot, the lube bottle mysteriously dropping in level despite us not using it, his seeming obsession of making sure nothing of mine existed at his place. So, I joined one of those groups, put his picture and name up, and listed the objective red flags.
Ladies, a gal reached out to me in less than an hour. Then another one. And another. Less than 24 hours later I’ve found over half a dozen women that went on dates with my “totally single” exclusive relationship boyfriend in the last six months. They have provided me very thoroughly with receipts - his dating profiles, their text convos (both # and distinctive way of writing match), selfies he sent them, pictures they took on these dates, etc. He was taking our dog on first dates and chatting girls up saying that he [the dog] is “his wingman” and that’s why everyone is swiping on him! Gross gross gross. I EVEN FOUND A TIKTOK VIDEO. A woman went on a date with my then-bf that was so bad she made a tiktok about it ((confirmed via DM that it was him. He was following her still on TT…)) Thankfully the women who have reached out to me all stopped after one date because they universally were getting the ick from him (“seemed nice but not my type”), all were apologetic (not their fault, he was misrepresenting himself.) But nonetheless, I’ve had a host of feminine issues over the last few months that I thought were due to my bc and had declined testing on my last visit because I’m in a monogamous, committed relationship, I trust him! Spoiler alert: your girl’s coochy has been on fire off and on for weeks, and she’s getting tested today.
All this time where I was helping him out financially and practically, still showing up for dates, being told he loves me, etc. etc., he was on every app under the sun (tinder, fb dating, hinge, and adult friend finder confirmed so far.) Hell - several people who knew him from during his relationship with his ex-wife came out of the woodwork to +1 that “he’s bad news” and the narcissistic and manipulative behavior is his default.
I could have saved a lot of time and heartache if I had just searched him first, but I didn’t, and fell victim to one of our region’s (apparent) infamous fuckboys. I’m probably going to have to take him to small claims court to get the money back that he owes me (agreed upon “I’ll pay you back when I get paid” 23492349 times) because he is intentionally avoiding responding to my texts and calls. And if I miscarried because of an STI… well, that’s another load of baggage to unpack ((yes, I’m ok now. I would have had to get an abortion anyway, but it was still emotionally traumatic.))
Ladies. LOOK. HIM. UP. Best case scenario, you don’t find anything, or people tell you he’s actually a sweet guy. Worst case, you find a post like mine - but at least then you’ll know so you can stop wasting your time and energy on him. I had a couple girls so far comment that they were/are actively chatting with him, and now are going to steer clear. You deserve to be treated with respect and the same amount of love and effort you’re putting in. I let this guy abuse me and then ruin my self-esteem; gaslit me to make me think I was imagining the very obvious signs he was a fuckboy. Don’t accept it. All my sadness is gone now that I know the truth - I fell in love with the image he conjured up when I was around, not the person he actually is. I fell in love with the lie, and knowing that it was a lie has been incredible closure for me. Learn from my mistakes, because everyone deserves better than people like my ex.