This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/JustThrowItAway on 2023-08-30 04:51:05.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year, and she hadn’t met my parents yet, so my parents invited us to dinner. My dad tends to be openly judgmental about basically anything, and I was worried from the beginning about how things would go. Ever since I was a kid he’s been critical of my mom for gaining weight after having kids, and he frequently makes shitty comments to her about it (“are you sure you want to eat all that?” “wouldn’t you rather have a salad?” and stuff like that. It’s infuriating to witness) so I was worried that he might say something about my girlfriend’s weight. Her weight has fluctuated over her life, and right now she’s a bit heavier.
Obviously I’m attracted to her regardless of body size, but I know she can be self-conscious about it. I never mentioned anything to my parents before about her size because honestly it doesn’t matter and isn’t relevant to anything, but maybe I should have talked to my dad beforehand to ask him to behave. But instead I assumed he could act like an adult for one evening.
Anyway, we planned to meet up outside the restaurant and go in together. We got there early, and when my parents arrived my dad looked at her with a noticeably shocked expression. All of my previous girlfriends have been smaller, so I think he had a different expectation of what she would look like. We got a table, and things were going alright until it was time to order. When my girlfriend went to order some pasta, my dad said “are you sure you don’t want to try one of the salads?” and I flipped out. I told him that mom might put up with him saying this kind of bullshit to her all the time, but I wasn’t going to let him be passive aggressive to my girlfriend. I stood up and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else, and she looked like she felt really awkward but got up with me.
My mom also looked super embarrassed and didn’t say anything, and my dad told me to calm down and not to take things so seriously. I told my mom that I was sorry, but that we’d have to get dinner together some other time without my dad, and I left with my girlfriend. We had a moderately awkward dinner just by ourselves at a different restaurant nearby.
My mom texted me afterwards saying that she was really looking forward to meeting my girlfriend and that she was disappointed that we left before even having a conversation with her. My girlfriend knew that my dad is kind of a dick, because I’ve told her about what he’s like before, but she said that she would have been willing to tolerate it to meet my mom, who is a kind person. Now I’m feeling like maybe I overreacted over something small when even my girlfriend said that she would still have stayed, and causing a scene upset my mom. But at the same time I don’t want to establish a precedent where my dad feels like he can talk to my girlfriend like that. AITA?