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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/zakatthrowaway on 2023-08-30 03:33:56.

My (30F) husband (32M) has a sibling who is disabled and entirely dependent on 24/7 care. Before we got married, his family would tell me that he usually kept to himself and stayed in his room most of the day but they did not let me see him at all. Whenever I would come over, he would be sent somewhere out of the house and my husband did not show me any photos. I met him for the first time about a few days before the wedding/few days before I moved in.

He spends a good chunk of the day screaming at the top of his lungs and banging on any door or wall that is close by as hard as humanly possible, no matter what time of day. I have awoken many times by the sound of him banging the door at like 3am. He will attempt to crawl on top of any nearby table or counter and also loves throwing anything he can get his hands on. He scratches and hits anyone who in near so hard it leaves marks/bleeds.

We moved out after buying our own place a few months later and he brought up his plan to have him move in with us once his parents reach an age where they can not take care of him anymore or can not afford to pay the care staff that come over. That is honestly not too far in the future. He does not trust care homes at all and doesn’t even like the workers that come to look after him. He is older than my husband so he basically grew up caring for him and he is very attached to his brother naturally. I find it sweet but it does seem like he is a third parent at times.

I am concerned about having him live with us as we are planning to have kids in the next 3 years and I don’t want to raise them in a house where there will be constant noise and making sure my BIL does not injure them. I have a lot of sympathy for the situation and I encourage that my husband to financially contribute to the care but I really don’t want to have him live with us permanently. I expressed these feelings to my husband when he first pulled the idea and I rejected it right away. He called me selfish and that his brother will have no where else to go if we don’t step up. I get very nervous bringing up the topic. WIBTA?