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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/laurapalmerscokenail on 2023-08-30 04:43:42.
I don’t want to hate them. I don’t like harboring hatred in my heart. I’m a very compassionate, empathetic, and kind person. But after so many years facing so much misogyny, abuse, and bad treatment, it’s left me with so much resentment and fear I can’t help it.
It’s like a person whose been attacked by a dog, and now they fear them, even though not all dogs would ever attack you. But it’s a learned response.
I want male friends. I even want a boyfriend one day. But to me, men just feel like risks. I always have my guard up. I never know which one is safe and which one isn’t, and I’m always on guard for what might go wrong and assume that it might.
It hurts me. I feel guilty. The good men, who I know are people, don’t deserve to be feared or disdained for no reason. But the truth is they scare me, and they all feel threatening.
I can only hope one day someone comes along and shows me that I don’t need to feel that way about them, but I also know I have to give them the chance to.
Does anyone understand? I talk about it in therapy.