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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/allexgrace on 2023-08-30 01:49:45.
I’m honestly posting here because I wish I could call my mom, my aunt, anyone who I could turn to as an older family member, but there’s no one I can tell.
I have an appointment for tomorrow with my GYN the earliest she can see me. I turned 25 two days ago. I just started my second year as a first generation law student at a nationally ranked school.
I’ve had the Kyleena IUD in for over a year. I started spotting a few weeks ago — dark, “old” blood — and I chalked it up to the hormones kicking in. It got worse. I gained several pounds, started feeling off and something in me told me to take a test today. I take tests every few months so I wasn’t expecting a positive. I was in the middle of a huge assignment due for the judge I’m working for on Friday, just got out of the shower, typed away on my laptop, went back to check. When I saw the faint line I panicked. Ran to the dollar store and bought four more tests. All faint positives.
I feel so alone it’s not even funny. My husband and I both know what we need to do, but we’re shocked. I’m shocked at the amount of religious trauma and guilt that flooded me instantly. I was raised as the daughter of a baptist preacher and went to fundamentalist college. My husband and I deconstructed after school and never looked back, but we’re still dealing with and processing through all of those emotions. I am pro choice, but I selfishly wanted to never have to make the choice myself. Ironically I bought tee shirts for my husband and I supporting the Swans of Orlando (check them out) who are keeping an independent clinic alive that Florida is trying to fine out of existence…they just arrived today. But I live in a 6 week abortion ban state. I’m terrified.
I have to finish school, I’m halfway done.
Maybe the worst part of this is I can’t call my mom. She had me when she was 20 years old because of religious fundamentalism — she and my dad had a shotgun wedding. Even though I know that she always says she wished she hadn’t gotten pregnant and she sacrificed her career and life goals to have me. She’d tell me to do the same thing even though she regrets it for herself.
God I wish I could call my mom.