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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Equivalent-Pen-1917 on 2023-08-29 17:23:17.
Me(32f) husband (34m). 2 weeks before our 2018 wedding BIL got drunk during Hubbys stag do. BIL & 2 cousins shared group texts with everyone at party about me which were extremely offensive, resulting in an argument between husband & BIL. No one ever apologised, in-laws covered for those involved, said I overreacted, it was just “British humour” - these comments mocked my appearance, non-Brit accent, family, & health issues.
I basically ignored everyone from that point on, always polite but distant & made no attempts at friendship.
At Christmas we announced our pregnancy/due date of August. At same time BIL/FSIL announced their wedding date & venue for October 2023. The location is 2 hours from our house.
Few days later MIL asks if I had looked at venue online which I had. The venue caters to kid free events. I said to MIL that it looks lovely but I was concerned about kid-free element & distance from our house since weddings are an ALL day thing. MIL says “oh they’re not having a kid free wedding.”
We got invitation in the mail - it’s kid-free which is ok with us. With invitation was note which read: at request of MIL/FIL they have reserved a guest room at the venue for us night of wedding. We politely replied to rsvp saying we wouldn’t be attending because we couldn’t leave our baby overnight as we have no one we feel comfortable leaving him with! He’ll only be 7 weeks, I have no family in the UK, Hubbys family will be at wedding & Hubby said he won’t go if baby & I aren’t going.
Next day MIL/FIL call upset we aren’t attending & say I could spend the day in the room during the wedding because: “it would look bad if hubbys not there.” Hubby told them that was ridiculous to expect me to spend the day in a hotel room with my infant. MY FIL argued that several cousins had small children & were still attending, but we stood firm.
1 week later, FIL announces that a cousins friend has agreed to watch all the families kids = 6 kids under 4y.o + our 7 week old in OUR home during wedding since it’s closest to venue. We politely decline and explain I just had a c-section 8 days ago, I’m also not leaving my 7 week old overnight with 1 stranger & group of 6 kids.
We thought that was the end of it. 3 days ago, get a message from one of the cousins asking to call about wedding, I showed it to Hubby & we forgot about it until yesterday. Cousins wife called wanting to know what items she should bring for her daughter… Turns out, FIL & BIL told family that we aren’t attending to keep all the cousins children. I was MAD told her that was not true, I wasn’t running an overnight drop in service for a bunch of people who didn’t even like me. In-laws are saying my refusal is embarrassing & makes them & BIL look bad. BIL has called repeatedly, several of group text participants have left messages to “chat”. My husband & some family is on our side, but others feel like I’m being petty & holding a grudge to ruin BIL’s wedding. so AITA?