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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Notatraditionaldil on 2023-08-29 16:12:46.
I (F25) has been married for a year now. It is customary in our culture that women stay with their in-laws after marriage. I didn’t subscribe to this and told my husband (then bf) before marriage itself that I want to live separately. He agreed, since he himself wanted to live away from parents and build his own life.
But as a compromise, we would still visit them and stay at their place every couple of months. It is again customary, DIL helps MIL with household tasks (The stench of patriarchy). In our house, that is mine and husband’s, we are equals. We do chores together. In in-laws place, it’s always his mom who does majority of chores. She was a SAHM too.
When I am visiting I am expected to help her with the chores. Not my husband, just me. I just rope him in as well. The major issue is that everyone there wakes up at 5.30-6am. That’s way too early for me even on days when I have work. Since we go there on my off days, I just want to sleep in. Atleast till 8-9am.
Initially they didn’t say much about this. Just a bit of snide comments that I let go. Choose my own battles and all. But today morning my MIL made a big show of how I never help her with chores. Let me clarify, she wakes at 6 am and finishes most tasks by 9am. By the time I am awake, it’s all done. I help prep, but that doesn’t count to her. The fact I don’t slave away in kitchen is making her mad.
When she went on a whole woe on me act, my husband, who normally supports me also got mad at me. He asked why I couldn’t wake up few days out of a month earlier than I want to and help his mom. When I said, he can help his mom himself since he wakes up anyway, he said that’s not the point. He said he doesn’t ask much of me and this is least I can do. Respect his parents when we are staying under their roof.
I got mad and told him, I don’t want to stay under their roof and neither do I have to. With that I just packed my bags and left that place.
Now my parents and husband are blasting my phone for over reacting.
AITA ?
Cause I see a lot of comments asking me to help my MIL : no one has anywhere to be. It’s literally the weekend. There is no requirement for things to be done by that time. Other than the fact “it is how we do here”. And I help her meal prep. Cut veggies and everything the night before. I clean the house too, roping in my husband as well (though we literally visit for two days).
Also to people who commented I shouldn’t go then : my initial agreement, before marriage with them and my husband was that I wouldn’t go. I work full time in a different city. I want to relax on weekends. They kept calling, begging and guilttriping. I finally agreed to visit. As in one weekend a month. We go there Friday after office and return Sunday night. That’s literally the entire weekend and duration of stay.
If I wasn’t there, I would be sleeping in till 12 noon of after. Husband knows this well. Because I respect his home I am getting at 8-9. It feels like yet another working day to me. Getting at 6 am is like overtime on a already hectic 12 day week.