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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/moderatelyprosperous on 2023-08-29 12:38:13.
I feel disappointed, but sadly not surprised based on previous dating experiences.
Been dating this really great guy for the last month and a half. This weekend we went away for a long weekend and finally “did it”. The first evening everything was great, he made me feel really good, went down on me and made sure I came before he finished. The next morning I gave him a blow job, didn’t expect anything in return. I don’t think sex should be tit for tat and transactional…however, we have now been sleeping together for another handful of times and I feel so disappointed by the lack of reciprocity.
The next few times we slept with each other, I had to ask him to go down on me or finger me so that I could also come, which he did but not exactly enthusiastically. Last night, I didn’t feel like having to ask him again, and wanted to see how he would behave without being requested to do anything for my pleasure. He basically did his thing, with plenty of giving from my side, then he went to sleep without even a thought or concern about how I felt/needed. I felt so disappointed because I had hoped that he would have cared, a little at least, but he went to sleep like it was nothing.
He has some erectile issues, and I have consistently given him oral and made sure he could reach the finnishing line even if it took quite a lot of time and effort. I happily did this because I care about him. Why do I have to request that I would like to receive some pleasure every time we have sex? Why is this not assumed?
Vented about this to a friend and she gave me the age old advice of communicating my needs, but honestly I think it is fucked up that something as basic as that should need to be stated. I would agree that communication would have been key if the issue was he not knowing HOW to please me. But in this case he clearly knows how, he just simply doesn’t seem to think it is important enough to bother. Mutual pleasure, I would hope, is the basic foundation of sex, and I feel like women should be entitled to expect that from their partner without having to pretty please ask them to care about our enjoyment each and every time.
I spent a long few hours last night next to him sleeping soundly after me giving my all to help him climax, debating whether to break it off. Sure I could ask him every time to please consider my pleasure too, but aren’t these things the sort of things that should be willingly given not demanded? If he shows this low effort just this soon… what will it be like one year in, or even in 10 years time? My friend says I’m being too picky, but isn’t this a huge red flag?
Rant over.