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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/thrownaway20512 on 2023-08-29 03:33:39.
I (29M) have been with my fiancé (29F) for around 15 years. We are pretty much inseparable in EVERY aspect, except for when it comes to academic dedication and career planning/development.
I grew up poor. So my only goal growing up was to have a financial security. This naturally lead to me always being hungry for academic achievements. My fiancé’s family did not have any financial troubles. She was always a party-goer, so she never wanted to utilize her potential. She always said that “your whole life is not about studying, you should have fun while you’re young”. And I really try to match up that life-style. We’d spend days doing stuff together, doing whatever she felt like doing. This, as exhaustive as it was (I was running on <4h of sleep), kept her happy, and I was having fun with her, so I didn’t mind.
There’d come a time where I’d decline going out or doing stuff for prolonged amounts of time (usually while crushing deadlines were quickly approaching and I was becoming overwhelmed), and she’d get irritated. I even tried to arrange study dates, but that failed miserably, because she’d always do the bare minimum and then move on (which was considerably faster than what I was able to do). This became an every-day reason to fight.
I’ve completed all my degrees (including masters) with the highest distinction, have landed a high-paying job and I mainly work from home. You can say that I achieved my goal, and it took a lot of crying to get here, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. She, on the other hand, never got accepted for masters, graduated late, did not get to work in her own field, and struggles to make ends meet on her own to cover her own half of the bills. I’ve been trying to be comforting, offer her solutions, and reassure her that I don’t mind covering up for us, because I truly love her and I know she’d do the same for me. For the past couple of weeks, she has been blaming everyone for the impasse she has hit. Her teachers for her bad grades, employers for requiring prior relevant work experience (which she has none), her friends for tempting her to go out, her parents for not giving her their will/sustaining her (they are both like mid-50s), and me for not pressuring her to study enough. I usually shrug it off, understand that she is just frustrated and disappointed, and try to be a good boyfriend for her. Lately, she is also nagging me for not spending time with her (we spend everyday afternoon together after my shift).
So, In the culmination of a series of intense discussions, I told her that she is the sole person responsible for her current situation, and that she wasted her potential and ultimately rendered herself below average, now facing the consequences. She called me an ass, and left the house. It’s been eating me away since. AITA?