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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/TwirlingSquirrel on 2023-08-28 20:38:28.
I am sick to death of strange men approaching me with instructions—they are unneeded, insulting and ridiculous. I have never had a woman approach me in the same way. And I don’t mean people giving direction as a part of your job. Uniformed police officer or airport personnel? Parking attendant waving me to a spot? I will gladly follow your orders. Besides the ubiquitous instructions to “smile!”, recently I have experienced:
A man walked up to me and, smiling, told me “no stretching!” As I was casually minding my own business, waiting in a park-style area for a concert to start. I was just twisting my upper body a little to loosen up my back after a longish car ride to get to said concert. It felt like a really lame attempt at flirtation and control—“hey, I noticed what you were doing with your body and need to comment on it”. No sir, you actually don’t. I ignored him and continued doing as I pleased and chatting to my friend.
An family member of a good friend suggested I should find work immediately when I stated I was planning on taking a sabbatical soon, because I’m “not a college professor”. Actually, I am free to quit my job at any time for any reason, and I can afford to take a few months off because I save a lot of the money I earn. I brushed off this comment as I was afraid to create a negative vibe with my friends who were hosting me.
Most egregious of all, yesterday I danced at a festival as part of a troupe. In thanks, all dancers got a free meal. In between our two shows, I was heading to the stage area with my meal, when an old man approached. He was wearing a t-shirt indicating he was a festival volunteer. At first I was smiling and open to conversation, as usually it’s just someone saying they liked the show. Instead, this man stated, “don’t you know dancers aren’t allowed to eat? Then you might look like the others up there!” I am thin; the other dancers in my troupe perhaps are not. But that doesn’t matter, all body shapes and sizes are welcome in our dance genre. I was incensed but just stammered something out like, “well, I’m going to eat now” and walked away. If I was suffering from an eating disorder, I can only imagine how an asinine comment like that would set a person back.
Oh, and I almost forgot the man on the bus who complimented my hair, I thanked him and then he ordered me not to cut it. With the exception of some of the “smile” guys, these men are without exception older, I would say 55-75. I am angry at their audacity, but also with myself for not being more confrontational. I want to tell these intruders that their advice is unwelcome and will not be followed. I am especially disappointed in myself for not calling out the fat-shaming of my troupe mates. This is a vent, but I’m also seeking advice on breaking through the shock that someone could be so rude and the societal/family training to “be nice”. Does anyone have any quick comebacks I could use to shut down this bossy/disgusting behavior?