This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/notgonnaworkaita on 2023-08-28 18:48:26.
My brother (29M) got engaged to his fiance (28F) this summer. They are planning on getting married next spring/early summer. They have been working on putting their wedding party together and they did a video call with me (32F) a couple weeks ago to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I of course agreed because I love them both and I am very happy for them.
However, during the call, and after I had already agreed to be a bridesmaid, my brother dropped a bomb on me. He said that he hopes this doesn’t cause any issues, but he wants to ask my ex-husband (30M) to be one of his groomsmen. My initial reaction was not the best, I basically said “What? Why? Are you serious? WTF?”
For some history, my ex and I were high school sweethearts and married young. We were both 23 when we married and were divorced by the time we turned 25. No infidelity or abu$e of any kind, just a toxic relationship we were too young to recognize properly and eventually we got to a point in our marriage where we just hated each other. Thankfully, we never had kids and we were too young to have many assets, so the divorce was easy since neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. I moved away, got a new job, and started a new life. My ex stayed in our hometown (where my brother currently lives). I haven’t spoken to my ex in almost 5 years.
Obviously, my brother has known my ex for a long time and they were always close. Apparently, they remained close friends after the divorce even though my brother never mentioned it to me. My brother told me that he understands this might be a bit awkward, but it’s just for one day and it’s not like my ex and I are going to have to walk down the aisle together. He said they will try to do whatever they can to keep distance between us if needed, but that both me and my ex are very important people to him and he wants both of us involved in his wedding.
I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex. There’s a reason I haven’t spoken to him in so long, I have no desire to speak to him. Let alone be in the same wedding party as him. There’s going to be a lot of wedding party activities that are going to involve being in close proximity to him for extended periods of time. I want nothing to do with that.
I explained all of this to my brother and told him that if he’s going to keep my ex as a groomsman, I don’t think I can be a bridesmaid and I might have to reconsider even attending the wedding. This led to a big of back and forth with my brother trying to bargain with me and convince me that it won’t be that big of an issue, and me pretty much telling him this is non-negotiable for me.
Since that conversation, I have been contacted by our other sister (26) and my mom pretty much telling me to grow up and that I’m being petty and immature and that I can handle being in the same general area as my ex for a short period of time to support my brother.