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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/concernedmom489 on 2023-08-28 17:34:55.
My husband has a 7-year-old son. I’ve been involved in his son’s life since he was an infant.My husband’s ex-girlfriend left him for another man, and she has only recently started to be involved. We live a completely different lifestyle than her. She’s struggling financially and can’t really give him the same luxuries that we can. My parents especially don’t have a spending limit when it comes to the grandkids. They always go home with something extravagant or they go on fun vacations. The big vacation that will happen this year is in December, my parents and the grandkids are going to Tokyo Disney.
When he visits his mother, he often expresses his desire to return home or visit his other grandparents (my parents). He states that the visit isn’t as enjoyable and that his mother’s family doesn’t engage in the same activities as we do with him or my parents. Due to the differing treatment from his mother, her family, and my family, he struggles with his mother’s family. She has expressed her desire to bond with him but has mentioned that our involvement may be getting in the way. She has requested that we take a step back to allow him to adjust to her and her family. I of course said yes, because she’s his mom and has the final say.
I had a conversation with my parents about my stepson and suggested that we tone down the gifts and vacations so he can better adjust to his mother and her family. I even proposed canceling the Disney trip so he could spend his first Christmas with his mom. However, my parents became upset and refused, saying that she should have been with him six years ago and that he was used to living this way. I argued that his mother is making an effort to bond with him and we should respect her wishes for the sake of his mental health. Unfortunately, my parents responded by berating me and insulting me. I felt angry and decided to forbid them from seeing my stepson and son.
When I arrived home, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He said the same sentiment as my parents, stating that his ex’s inability to bond with their son is not our problem. I argued by reminding him that my family and I are just his stepfamily, and now that his biological mother’s family wants to bond with him, my parents need to take a step back. He didn’t respond and instead took the kids to my parents’ house, despite my objections. They returned home after spending the entire weekend there. I attempted to explain to my husband that we should prioritize his son’s well-being and respect his ex-girlfriend’s wishes, but he was too resentful towards her to listen. He demanded an apology before he would speak to me again.
My sister says that I’m wrong for what I did and that I should apologize to my husband and my parents, I don’t really feel like I’m wrong and the only one who cares about his future mental health and the relationship he has with his real family. I don’t think her request was AITA?