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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LegitimateTour1388 on 2023-08-28 11:24:35.
My sister Emily (34f) has been married to Declan (36m) for the past 3 years. Declan’s first wife passed away 5 years ago. Declan has kids from his first marriage who are 13f, 11m and 10m. While Emily and Declan were dating I had noticed that his children were unhappy with the change in their lives and did not really appear to like my sister. I saw grieving kids most of all. And I guessed that they were seeing it as a betrayal of their mom for their dad to be moving on at the pace he did (meeting my sister after a year and marrying her a year later). It was clear that Emily was trying to bond with the kids and they had walls up where she was concerned. Emily did not seem to notice and I debated speaking to her but I felt it wasn’t really my place, because surely it was something at least Declan would notice and they would discuss.
Emily had a baby with Declan two months ago and since the birth of her daughter she has noticed those walls and that chilly distance her stepkids keep with her. Declan apparently had not noticed and he sat down with the kids and Emily for a family meeting. The kids said nothing until Emily left the room. This is when they revealed their feelings about Emily. Declan asked them why they waited for Emily to leave the room to speak and they said because he called it a family meeting, so they waited for it to be just the family. In the days that followed Emily learned that the kids didn’t consider her any kind of family and they disliked having her around (though they never said they disliked her specifically). She learned that they consider her someone to tolerate having around for their dad’s sake but not someone they want to be close to, not someone they want to make things work with. The youngest said he hates when Emily mentions their mom, which his older siblings agreed with. The oldest also confessed to removing Emily from photos she keeps on her phone and laptop.
Emily was understandably upset to hear this and she confided in me about it. I offered her an ear and a shoulder and at some point in this talk she turned and asked me why I didn’t appear surprised. She said our parents at least looked more surprised and our brother really looked clueless. I confessed to her that I had noticed the signs before she and Declan married and that I had seen it for the last three years as well. She asked why I didn’t tell her this. I told her I honestly considered it but feared it was both not my place and not something she would respond well to. Emily told me I should have told her. That I’m her sister and I could have helped her go into her marriage with open eyes, I could have helped her consider whether marrying Declan was the right thing to do. She said I betrayed her by not saying anything.
AITA?