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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NormalSection2924 on 2023-08-28 09:45:52.

I’m (F24) getting married next week and my sister (F23) is my MOH. This weekend we had my bachelorette party and we originally agreed that all “bridesmaids” (my best friend (F25) and 3 close friends (M24-27)) would organise it. But I later found out that my sister excluded everyone else bc “it should be the MOH job” and just showed up with a fully booked plan before the others could even start discussing ideas.

The whole party was supposed to be a surprise but I expected that we’d be doing something that they know I’d enjoy. Unfortunately my sister pulled up to some sort of spa and planned to get nails done and some face masks and stuff like that. Afterward we had a private photoshoot with lots of dresses for me - I mean they were georgous but not something I’d ever feel comfortable in. We ended it with a dinner at a fancy restaurant where she preordered dishes that had meat in it. I’m mostly vegan and she knows that.

All of those were cool ideas and I’m sure many brides would enjoy a bachelorette like that. Hell I’d plan one exactly like that for my sister or best friend but it’s just not me. I told her that I hated it but I appreciate that she clearly put a lot of effort and money into the day. The others knew I would’t like it so they planned another party yesterday and that one couldn’t have been better (we had a medieval dinner at a castle and they booked a cinema where we played video games and drank cocktails the whole day!!) But we excluded my sister and now she’s REALLY mad. In fact, my whole family is mad for having a second one and not being grateful for the one my sister planned for me.

I can understand she’s hurt and I feel horrible so I consider repaying her the money she spend but I’m not apologising for my interests - shouldn’t a bachelorette party be for the bride? And I was just honest when she asked me if I liked it! Even though I do feel like I’m being an ungrateful asshole bc she clearly put lots of effort into planning the day. So any thoughts?

EDIT: It’s MOH in the title I don’t know why I typed that wrong

EDIT 2: Since many asked:

  1. I did not choose her as MOH. It’s family tradition that the sister takes that role and everyone assumed she would be and I just went with it to make them happy
  2. The 2nd party was secretly planned by my friends after my sister told them she had a plan that was fully payed for without considering ideas or opinions from the others.
  3. I didn’t call her to join us because the fight over the 1st party was a few hours prior and I knew that she does not understand my interests. So I didn’t want her complaining or us fighting.
  4. English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry for using wrong words
  5. "mostly vegan": I don’t eat meat/fish but I make exceptions for things like eggs/cow milk in desserts, sauces etc… if I’m eating somewhere that doesn’t have vegan options or it would be too inconvenient for the host to provide them. Yes, my sister knows that.