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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/wendiaster on 2023-08-28 06:34:48.
So my partner [M22] and I [F22] have been together for about 7 months and we just had a discussion that’s left me a bit concerned.
Just for some context, I have a good job, make very good money for my age and am decently financially stable. I would say I only reached this state a few months ago though. My partner works as a bartender with a very erratic schedule. Some weeks he works 4 days and some he works none. So I make a lot more money than him.
However, I didn’t come from a well off family. I grew up in a trailer park and was abused by several family members. I got out and made it my mission to save everything penny so I could go to college. When I did, I chose the cheapest college and the cheapest program even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I knew it would get me a good job. I worked multiple jobs, did an accelerated program, and I ended up having several disk herniations and spinal surgery while trying to finish my degree. When I finally did, I found out my partner of almost threw years was cheating on me. I left him, and he flipped out. Unfortunately the car we had paid for together was in his name, so he took that and he raided the house and took everything. At the time I was working a good job I had gotten with my degree, but I was only making about 45k so it took several months of scraping and saving while in spinal surgery recovery to buy a car to get me to work. Just a few months ago I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have a savings cushion and I’ve risen in the ranks in my job and am now making about 70k.
Now yesterday we were actually watching Amish reddit stories about people who try to split the bill after people have already eaten. I kinda went on a tirade about how entitled that is and how I find it to be really rude. He seemed offended by this and said “if you make significantly more than someone like a friend, you should pay for them at like dinners and stuff”. I countered saying “for me, I have worked extremely hard to be in a better place so I shouldnt be responsible for others who haven’t, like I was there too at one point”. He then said “but you are in a better place now”. I didn’t see why that should matter and I told him “that was a really entitled mindset and it makes me feel used as while others were just living life, I put everything like friends, trips, buying myself things, eating out, on hold so I could invest in my future and I shouldnt be expected to give money to people who haven’t done that”. He said “w.e.” and we didn’t talk about it again.
Just for context in the relationship as well, I do pay for most dates and meals, partly because I know he makes way less than me and for a partner I’m willing to do that, but I do also feel a bit of pressure to as well.
Now I’m feeling some type of way cause if I am actually the AH I kinda want to know, so I thought I would ask the Internet and see what the verdict is.
TLDR: my boyfriend thinks I should pay for people who have less money than I do.
UPDATE I just wanted to add an update here after reading everyone’s comments. I really appreciate how many people have taken the time to respond. I did just want to say that I don’t believe people who have less are lazy. I have a lot of friends who make less through no fault of there own. They work multiple jobs or fill time hours though, or they have some kind of situation that prevents them from it. When I made the comment about it being my hard work I was mostly thinking about my boyfriend who works not even close to full time and is perfectly able, but makes no plans for the future. My sister is moving in with me next month and I plan to pay for most of her stuff until she can get on her feet because I sympathize and most importantly I can see she’s trying. It’s just people who are very clearly being lazy and expect me to pay because I’m not. It makes me feel unseen specific by my boyfriend because I worked so hard and now he just acts like he deserves my money. It really bothered me one time when I went a month and a half without a day off in March and I really felt like I was busting my ass just to subsidise his date meals when he could just work an extra shift. But thank you again for all the support, I appreciate all the time it took people to read this and respond.