This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/capillaryinstability on 2023-08-28 09:44:56.
I don’t know if anyone will read this but I feel so sad and mentally exhausted that I need a place to just dump all those thoughts.
I (f35) met my current bf (m30) only 2 months after a very traumatic break-up almost a year ago. Thanks to my therapist and my close friends and family I used those 2 months to get back to a basic functionning level. One night, I felt like I needed to feel desired and beautiful, so I installed an app and found him immediately. We met a few days after and what started as a sexy band-aid for me quickly became more romantic. See, he’s libanese and you could say libanese are like the italians of the arab world: VERY romantic, very over the top and expressive.
I wouldn’t say I fell for him, but he made me feel good. He’s good -nurtured, always smiling, happy, loving… So I let him because I needed it. Thing is, he fell ill with a bad respiratory infection 2 months after we met and I let him stay at my place so I could keep an eye on him and take care of him. He never really left after that.
He lived in a shitty place because of some reasons I will not elaborate here. So it wasn’t really an active decision from me, but more of a passive one: I let him stay day after day and we kind of ended up living together. And this is were I probably fucked up.
I liked him a lot. As in: he’s a really good guy with a good heart. He made me feel good about myself, and he brought joy to my life. But I wasn’t really “in love” with him.
- I’m really hurt by some of his opinions on LGBT+ matters (he was raised in a very different culture I know, but this has been a sore spot in our relationship).
- He is seriously ADHD. Mind you, I am too, but the thing is I’m in the lets-try-to-find-ways-to-make-this-work type of phase in my life with this, where he is just content with being constantly late, messy, dirty, disorganised… to my expense.
- We don’t really connect on a cognitive level. What I mean is, with some of my previous partners, we would spend hours each day talking about some random subject, debating, etc. With him, there’s nothing we connect about outside of the ordinary meaningless daily subjects “how was your day” “I need to do the groceries” “how is your mom”…
- I’m a f*** feminist. Trust me, sometimes I would rather puke this pill than having had swallowing it. But here it is. And I’m starting to resent him because I’ve been literally teaching this 30yo human being how to be an adult in a home.
This last one is probably what is bringing me here today. I think I want to leave him. We have been fighting more and more (and more violently with time) about housechores. I have tried EVERYTHING: explaining calmly tasks he didn’t know (ugh), reminding him once, twice, thrice, yelling, setting up an app. I’m even paying for a house aide once a week (on my dime obviously). He does “some” of the chores. But never all he should. Always half-decently. Without a doubt by causing a catastrophe somewhere.
For example: I was sick with covid the last 5 days. Like bed ridden completely. He surprisingly made me food, called a doctor and got me my medicine without being prompted. BUT, he “forgot” to give water to the cat, despite her crying for hours to him. I had to beg him and cry to get up from the couch and feed/water her. He used tissue sanitiser on the floor and made is so greasy I almost fell (of course I had to clean it while being sick). He picked up the cat puke with hand towel, keeping the puke in the towel, and threw it in the machine. With the sheets.
I love this guy because he’s a good person. But I don’t love him in a romantic sense. And he’s exhausting me.
Is is ok to leave him for this? I want children and I cannot fanthom living with a man child like this. On the other hand, I’ve known so many assholes that I’m like “maybe it’s what women do, they stay with the less problematic one?”
Sorry for this long ass post. Thanks if you read me <3