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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Consistent_Wave1087 on 2023-08-25 18:39:34.
So I (37F) am married and have two kids (11 and 8). My husband and I both work full time corporate jobs so we don’t get home until 5-6pm every night. We used to have a nanny who would pick the kids up from school and stay at home until one of us came back. Almost a year ago, my father unfortunately passed leaving my mother (60F) alone, so between her, my husband and I, we all thought it’d be best for my mother to move in with us.
It basically became the arrangement that my husband and I renovated our home to create an in law suite for my mom to live in full time and we help take care of her bills, and she will essentially replace our nanny and look after our kids 2:30pm-6pm Monday-Friday. It’s been great having her around, but the issue is that my brother (32M) and his wife (SIL) think it’s unfair and showing “favorites” if my mom only babysits my kids and not theirs.
Last week, SIL literally just dropped off her kids (2 and 4) at my house as soon as my husband I left for work and I only found out through my Ring camera. My husband and I don’t want my brother’s kids at our house because 1) they’re very young and our house is not babyproofed and has many fragile items I know they will try to get into 2) the 4yo is extremely spoiled and his parents never say no or give him consequences so he goes to anyone’s house and has bad behavior 3) my mom only watches my kids for about three hours everyday, but my SIL is dropping off her kids ALL day at MY house even when my kids aren’t being watched.
I talked to my mom and she said she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable with watching 4 kids at once but she’ll try if needed and it’s ultimately up to me if my brother’s kids can come over since it’s my house. So I told my brother and SIL no and SIL has been sending me the rudest messages about how I’m turning my kids spoiled and letting them have their grandmother’s favoritism etc etc. Also that I could afford a nanny but I’m choosing to “use” my mother when she and my brother can’t afford other childcare. I just reminded her that she’s a SAHM and it’s her JOB to look after her kids, not my mother’s, and blocked her. So AITA?