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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pizzadateaita on 2023-08-25 18:31:12.
My wife (33F) and I (35M) have been married for 3 years. Her family is very tight-knit and every month they have a family get together at my wife’s parent’s house. It is always on Sundays because my wife’s siblings have kids and they all have activities on Saturdays, so Sunday is the only free day everyone has. They live a 3-hour drive from us. We always make a day-trip because obviously we have to work on Monday. Needless to say, it’s a lot of driving in one day.
The get together is usually just a nice meal and some games, nothing too fancy or crazy. I like her family and enjoy hanging out with them, but there have been times when I don’t feel like going and there’s no hard feelings about not attending.
The problem is, that if I don’t attend, my wife doesn’t attend. She is a very anxious driver, especially on freeways and highways where aggressive drivers and semi-trucks tend to be more common. She’s never been in an accident or anything like that, she just doesn’t feel comfortable driving long distances on freeways with speeding cars, it freaks her out. So if I don’t go, she won’t drive herself there. There also isn’t anyone else from her family that lives nearby could come pick her up without adding at least 2 hours to their drive.
Last month we didn’t attend because I had just gotten back from a work trip and wanted to use that weekend to relax at home. My wife and in-laws understood. This month’s get together is this coming Sunday. My wife is adamant that we attend this one because we missed the last one. I told her I will go, but she is going to have to drive at least one leg of the trip, I don’t want to be driving for 6 hours like every other time.
This started a fight because she said I know how much she hates driving on freeways and that’s too far of a drive for her to keep from freaking out. I told her that if she wants to keep driving 6 hours in a day to see her family every month, then she’s going to need to start driving at least half of it because I’m tired of doing all that driving by myself.
I told her that I will be with her in the car and will be a good co-pilot to keep her calm and focused. Unlike when I drive and she buries her face in her phone for 2/3 of the drive. I told her we can take it slow and easy and it will be good practice for her to become more comfortable with that type of driving.
She is not agreeing to this and is insisting that I drive like every other time because of her anxiety about it. I am refusing to budge and told her that this is something for her family so she needs to start putting in at least some effort to make it happen. She thinks I am being a jerk about it and not taking her feelings into consideration and being dismissive of her anxiety.
We have not come to an agreement on this yet, but I really don’t want to give in. Driving 6 hours in a day can be exhausting and I’m tired of being the only one to do it. Especially when it’s every month.