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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/syncedwiththemoon on 2023-08-25 07:51:55.
I love/feel deep affection for my boyfriend, but it feels like we’re incompatible now.
It’s not a black and white situation, where either of us have done anything terrible (which makes it harder somehow, lol). He’s a lovely person in many respects. We really do want the best for each other.
But: it feels like we’re fundamentally incompatible when it comes to our approaches on life. I am an optimist. I am organised and like being in control of my life and planning things. He is the opposite. He doesn’t plan things or take initiative very often. I’ve noticed that he actively prefers to stay in his comfort zone and he tends to be more negative and himself and life. Not always — he’ll hype me up, support his friends — but he doesn’t dream for himself or take action on his problems.
We’ve lived together for the past year and it feels like that was the true test. It just got worse, and progressively more exhausting for both of us. I need a tidy home. He leaves stuff everywhere and does things last minute. I get frustrated and my tidying makes him anxious.
It’s stuff we’ve tried to work on, but it never seems to get better.
I want more — but I don’t want to hurt him emotionally or tell him he isn’t enough. We’re very compatible physically / intimately, we want the best for each other, but it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to continue driving each other crazy in a relationship and living together. It breaks my heart and I feel so torn, but when I think of the alternative — staying together, arguing, compromising on how I want to live my life — I feel we’d be better off separate, maybe (hopefully?) friends in the long run.
Tonight we’re having dinner and talking about the tension / sadness we’re feeling — I want to see if he feels the same (ie. defeated, doesn’t make sense to carry on). Really don’t want to hurt him.
Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated ❤️