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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Vegetable-Code-1153 on 2023-08-24 18:32:01.
We don’t have children and never will. My husband gives (what i feel is) an over-the-top amount of money to his nieces/nephews on their birthday. He doesn’t give it directly to them but to a “college fund” type of thing. What started as $500/yr for 1 child has turned into $2,500/yr for 5 children and who knows if more will come. that is more than $200/month going towards someone else’s family. not to mention that fact that his brother makes 5x more money than us and doesn’t need help supporting his children.
meanwhile, my husband has never taken me on vacation, never planned a date, rarely gives me gifts, and most recently made me feel bad that he spent $36 on a ticket to go to something i wanted to do. he also recently mentioned he’s “living paycheck to paycheck”. I’m also not sure if he even has savings beyond retrement accounts.
Now I spend a lot of money on frivolous things and bad habits that is almost definitely more than $200/month. However, I also save more than $1k/month and I also regularly pick up a 2nd job to pay for anything extra i might want so as not to impact my savings. I take him to concerts, dinners, gifts, PS5, etc. all without sacrificing my savings.
i’ve mentioned that i dislike how much money he gives his family, especially after the 5th child was born, but he didn’t seem to take me seriously and has continued to donate. i even suggested not ending payment entirely but reducing it and also giving them a present instead (he doesn’t give them any gifts, just the donation)
it makes me feel angry. it feels financially unstable. it feels like he’s not thinking about our future. it feels like i’m not a priority. it feels like we have completely different things we want in life and maybe that scares me (i feel like if i wanted to go to Italy i’d have to go alone because instead of saving for traveling he’s giving money to his family).
i’ve been thinking about this for years but i was laid off a few days ago so now i’m also thinking about how that would be an extra $10k in savings we could have right now instead.
WIBTA if i put my foot down on this issue and demanded the payments stop? or at least significantly reduced ($100 instead of $500)