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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/rocket_boots on 2023-08-24 17:51:25.
Hello! I wanted to share a story about increasing your sexual standards with my favorite group on reddit. There have been a lot of posts on here about raising your standards with the people you date and not accepting mediocrity any more, and i read them and took those to heart. Y’all were a big part of why I decided to leave my now ex boyfriend about 10 months ago. He was a good guy, but didn’t prioritize me. There were more problems than just sex, but that’s what i’m going to focus on here. All our sex followed a very traditional script, where when he came we were done. Every so often (maybe every 3ish months?) i’d get eaten out for about 5 minutes, but only as foreplay so that i’d be turned on enough for PIV to work properly. I asked a few times for more focus on me, and i got answers like “if you want to use a vibrator on yourself while we have sex, i won’t stop you”, which just felt so disconnected and impersonal, and “There’s no point in me eating you out for a long time, you won’t come from it. You *can’t* come from oral”. Overall the vibe was really that if i wanted sex to be pleasurable, that was *my* responsibility, not his. Oh, and in case it wasn’t obvious, i gave him oral to completion regularly, probably over once a week.
I’ve had about 10 partners, many casual, but 2 were really long term relationships of several years (including above). NO ONE had ever made me orgasm from oral. I assumed it was because i wasn’t sensitive enough because i masturbated too much, or because i was just broken and it would never happen for me.
Now i’ve got a new partner, who shines in many many ways, but the way that surprised me the most is our sex life is actually?? good??? for me??? He sometimes does sex acts that are only focused on my pleasure and learns what i like ?? I can come from oral regularly and all it took was about 15 minutes of dedicated effort on my partner’s part, which NO ONE had ever done before??
I just thought i’d join the chorus of ladies on here who are finally not accepting mediocrity anymore. You are not broken, you are normal, and you don’t have to be with someone who doesn’t take your pleasure seriously. Break ups are hard but if you’re thinking about it, you’ll almost certainly be better off having done it. You’re strong and sexy and whole and i believe in you :)