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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/Sariel007 on 2023-08-24 02:35:54.
Yes, I am perfectly aware that this particular conference actually brings back historic rivalries but this shit post is about forced unnatural rivalries.
I’ll take a stab at the BIG XII because that is the conference I know the most about… and even then I know shocking little so stick with me on Mr. Do’s Wild Ride.
I think that at least one Texas Uni will be paired up against the Bearcats. Why? Real Chili vs Skyline Chili aka Spaghetti Sauce called chili. Texas food is all about Brisket, Chili and Chicken Fried Steaks. If you are smart you will use your left over brisket in your chili. If you are good at smoking a brisket you won’t have any brisket left over for your chili. When it comes to these 3 food items you don’t mess with Texas.
Baylor is a natural fit for this forced rivalry. I assume someone in Waco can make chili. It is a town in Texas after all. All I really know about Waco/Baylor is they are the wide spot on the road between Austin and Cowtown. I think they have a reality property flip show too or something. Also, they can also battle over the whole bear thing. The Chili Bowl or Battle of the Bears!
KSU gets to pick one of the new Cat teams as their rival. Bearcat, Houston, BYU. Hum, Bearcats vs the BIG XII so far. If KSU picks Houston and get aTm in a bowl they can once again claim “State Champions of Texas” if they run the table against Texas teams. Why you ducking KSU aTm? There can be only one.
TCU has history with BYU and I’m leaving past conference rivalries out of this so Baylor you are up against BYU because of um… religion. Um… Battle of the Killer B’s?
Probably Houston vs one of the other Texas teams and or KSU as mentioned earlier. I could see a forced rivalry between TCU and Houston based on geography… but wait! If realignment has taught us anything geography means nothing. Houston vs Texas Tech with the Oil Derrick trophy on the line!
Citronaughts er Knightro! vs OSU, Red Raider, or the Moutaineers (all human mascots). UCF, you better make sure that armour is bullet proof!
Chip vs the Mountaineers. Something something about White people with rifles hunting Buffalo to near extinction. Yes, I know that the fine people of West Virginia didn’t do that but it is all I could come up with for CU without invoking historical ties to their days in the BIG XII.
Congrats Utes, you and Swoop and ISU’s Cy are now mortal enemies because you both have bird mascots! Fight, fight, fight