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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/kiyoshiokana on 2023-08-23 23:16:50.

Hi guys, long time lurker in this thread. I was just wondering on some advice or opinions.

Me (26f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been dating for 5 months now. Before we started dating we’ve known each other for about a year and were basically best friends platonically. We are now living with each other.

Right now my mother is in a critical state in the ICU, on a ventilator. Its been hard for everyone in the family. I’ve tried telling my bf to bare with me for the next few days as I might be really stressed and emotional and i might say or do things i don’t really mean. He said he’s here to support me and he loves me.

Heres a big fact about him: He has really bad trauma from a previous relationship where he was cheated on. He goes through my phone occasionally and asks who i text regularly. I let him look and i tell him. No big deal. I used to be an exotic dancer so i did have a lot of guys keeping in touch with me to know when i was working but i haven’t worked there since we started dating. He got me out of that scene and i am grateful. I’ve since also removed all the guys from the club and have no need to talk to them. I let him know when a guy texts me and i don’t reply. I want to show him that he can trust me.

The day I came from the hospital, he gets all skeptical. I told him visiting hours were from 9am-8pm. I didn’t come home until 9pm. Its a 15 min drive. I told him they didn’t put the ventilator on until 7:50pm. So they allowed us to stay a little bit later. By the time i got out to my car i needed to let go and just cry so i didn’t have to spill it out at home. First thing he does is ask what took so long. I tell him for the exact reasons stated above and it’s like its not good enough for him. Every time i come home late from my parents or the hospital he doesn’t believe I was there the whole time. I expect to come home to a loving boyfriend but instead i get an accusatory one instead. Romance is the last thing on my mind right now when a parent is on life support. It just takes SO much convincing for him that im not doing anything shady. So much that it’s irritating to me and I’m trying to be understanding. I just really don’t want this right NOW. He came to an understanding eventually.

At the end of the night he asks me if I was up for having sex. Of course I’m not in any mood. He thankfully understood that right away. He proceeded to ask for a hand job. I told him i didn’t want to do that either. He got visibly and vocally irritated and shooed me to bed. Of course i was annoyed.

The next day my moms condition improved a little bit. So i took that opportunity to eat something as i didn’t have any appetite the day prior. I let him know that i felt a little bit better. We didn’t argue at all and he was actually supportive.

… And of course at the end of the night he asks me the same question. I tried to tell him that in no way possible do i feel horny whatsoever with what’s going on in my life right now. He then says “is it because there’s someone else?” And all that of the sorts. When I say “no” it’s always “there’s someone else” or “why? did you already do it today?”. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure into doing it because i don’t want to argue. This is not the first time this has came up either.

He does a lot for me i might add. If i can’t afford a bill, he’ll pay it for me. I’ve always told him not to pay anything for me because i don’t want him to feel used as that’s not the reason why I’m with him. I don’t have a job right now as I’ve been caring for a sick parent so I’ve been struggling a little bit. He’s gone through the trouble of meeting my entire family as in my last relationship my ex didn’t meet anyone but my mom. So that was very important to me.

He is a high key sex adict and i wish i knew this before i started dating him. He begs me just at least 10 mins a day…everyday. Do I owe him that?? We had sex last night because i was scared of starting an argument.

I love him but it’s get tiring. My body hurts from doing it too much. I am stressed and intimacy is not a way for me to release stress. I don’t even want to go home at this point.