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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwwayccount847374 on 2023-08-23 21:26:28.
Update: Original post: /r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15wldaz/aita_for_assuming_our_kids_will_take_my_last_name/
Hello everyone, some of the responses from the original post gave me ideas for how to approach the issue with my husband so I wanted to give an update.
After my husband came home, we decided to talk in the morning as he was tired and still a little upset.
Next morning he was really trying to push the topic aside and said he “didn’t care” what name we choose anymore he just didn’t want to keep talking about it. I didn’t think that was a good idea but I was worried he’d get angry if I just pushed it so I asked him if we could just cuddle for a while. I brought it up again by apologizing for my comment that I made about the hyphenated name, he said he didn’t want to hyphenate our names anyway. We talked for a while about a lot like my family, culture and his family…etc but basically he felt like the odd one out. I reminded him again about how much my family, especially my parents and brother, love him and treat him like a son/brother. They really do treat him like the baby of the family because thats how they always treated me as the youngest. My extended family loves him as well.
He said he felt like he was still stuck with his shitty family even though he hasn’t talked to any of them in years, and if our baby has his name it would be like he was connected with the baby through that name and not his family.
I was dreading asking him this but based on comments in my other post it made too much seem not to at least ask. So I asked him if he thinks he would like taking my last name, so he didn’t have to share his last name with them anymore. He said that he was too embarrassed to suggest this again to my family because he felt like it would look badly that he keeps changing his mind on this topic, like he didn’t respect this decision or my family’s name. I convinced him that they wouldn’t feel that way and that I would help him with every step of the name changing process if he wants that. We ran it by my parents to prove to him they were ok with it and they were super supportive. He seems really happy about this decision and even excited while we were gathering all the info to make sure it’s a smooth transition. I’m also planning to have some more detailed discussions with him about other things we never really discussed specifics of so we don’t catch each other by surprise again haha. Thank you again everyone for the perspective and for the suggestions