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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Echo-4750 on 2023-08-23 19:40:59.
My husband and I met in community college and got married 6 years ago. He works with AI, and I work as a part-time nurse. Obviously, he makes significantly more money than me, but we have thus far lived well below our means, to the extent that my salary alone can probably support our current lifestyle. We live in a 2 bedroom house which was given to me by my uncle as a graduation present, and while comfortable, our daughter (f 2) is getting to the age where she needs a bigger house and yard to play in.
I’ve been asking my husband to look into bigger homes in better neighborhoods for the past 6 months, and each time he tells me he’ll look into it, and he’ll sit with me looking at homes that fit what we are looking for, only to back out of it before we take the next step. Then last week, I hear him on the phone with his mom (f 63) asking if she needs more money, and if she wants more than last month on a consistent basis. His mother moved to London to live with her brothers and sisters after her husband, my husbands father, died 7 years ago. He left my mother-in-law a large sum of cash, which she spent instantly to buy a large house in London, and to move all her brothers and sisters from Iran to the United Kingdom, where they live together in a 5 bedroom home. I used to think they were each working, and/or had some left over cash from buying the home. But after I overheard them on the phone, I asked my husband how much his family needed, and if they were struggling to make ends meet. To his credit, he was very forward with me, and explained the whole scenario, detailing how they have no cash of their own, and how none of them hold a job and he’s been giving them between 5-10k a month for the past 4 years.
It turns out, when they had all originally moved to London, my husbands 3 uncles (between the ages of 40-50), had held jobs as delivery drivers or whatnot, while his mother and aunt (f 50?) stayed home. Then when my husband got his new job 4 years ago, which I have now found out pays significantly more than I thought, and he started giving them money, his uncles quit their jobs and he, alone, funds them. He has given them nearly 350k in the past 4 years, which is already a lot, but for a group of 5 able-bodied adults, with a paid off home and taking full advantage of all the publicly funded benefits of the UK system, it becomes far too much in my eyes. I started telling him how his main responsibility is to his family here, and how his daughters well-being and comfort should be his priority. He said it is a priority, how he still is saving up a lot of money for our eventual move, and that he’s saved up more than he’s given. He said it’s just delayed it by a year or two, and that we had to wait for the housing bubble to pop anyways before buying an expensive house.
We argued for a bit before he called me unreasonable and cold. I am now wondering, am I in the wrong here?