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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/far-spinach233 on 2023-08-23 13:36:11.

tldr: my ex and i just broke up two days ago (the reasons being that feelings had faded on both sides, him admitting that he wasn’t ready for a relationship which was why he wasn’t putting any work or energy into the relationship on top of lying to me about several things). he also admitted to feeling turned off by pussy and calling it disgusting.

i need to get these thoughts off my chest and i’d love some insight or tips on how to handle this situation. we hadn’t been dating for a very long time, just about three months, i was his first everything whereas i have been sexually active since age 16 and have gathered a lot of different sexual experiences.

it took us about 2 months until we first attempted PIV, which didn’t really work out because of his death grip syndrome which we agreed to work on together (no more porn, no fapping and me using light touch during handjobs and light pressure during bjs).

i never pressured him into anything and made sure we could do everything at his pace. but i also made sure to make it clear that oral was something that i needed in a sexual relationship and would like for him to try to give it to me at some point, if he felt ready to do so, which he agreed to.

so he attempted to give oral to me which lasted about 30 seconds during which he barely touched me with his tongue. the whole act made him feel visibly upset. we talked about it afterwards and he said he really didn’t like it, he didn’t like the feeling of it being wet and soft.

he assured me he didn’t have any problems with my taste or smell (he said he really liked both in fact) which confused me because he loved really sloppy wet tongue kisses. side info: i’ve given him head in about every sexual encounter we’ve had.

i was very sad and upset about this because i was kinda sensing that this wasn’t the full truth. he said he could try using a dental dam if i was okay with it, which made me feel like i was gross to be touched with his bare tongue. i told him i would be down to try it but couldn’t promise that i would like it either. he said he’d order some when he got home later that day.

two to three weeks passed and there was no mention of his purchase or oral sex at all. during this time i’d continued to give head to him and please him.

two days ago i finally got fed up with his general lack of communication and talked to him about some things that were bothering me in our relationship. i don’t wanna go too much into detail about unrelated things but at some point i told him it was upsetting me that he seemingly didn’t care about my sexual desires and needs which i had previously talked to him about several times already. i was also upset about it mostly being me who continuously had to start conversations about problems that we were encountering.

so he dropped a bomb lol. he said it didn’t have anything to do with me or my vag but that he just generally couldn’t stand the thought of putting his head near a vag and that he thought giving head to a woman was disgusting. he’s good friends with my best friend and talked to her about this as well and he admitted to her that he didn’t just think eating vag was disgusting but that he generally thought vags were disgusting and sexually off putting for him. it really hurt me that he couldn’t even man up to say this to me directly and that i had to find out through her.

he’d sometimes use his fingers on me (never made me cum, sadly. felt good most of the time, though) to which i asked him why he didn’t think that was off putting. he replied that he did think it was off putting but he said he tried to man up in those moments and just try to please me.

my thoughts are all over the place. i encountered some similar issues in my very first relationship, which lasted for three years. he’d also never go down on me and tell me he didn’t like pussy and that he thought they were weird. at some point he admitted to me that while he was generally attracted to women, he didn’t like their genitalia. he started watching trans porn which escalated to us not having any more sex for the last year of our relationship.

i’ve already encountered a lot of problems relating to my sexuality in my life. i have been sexually assaulted several times in my life as well, which i think is making it even harder for me to overcome problems of sexual nature.

i know it’s irrational but i’m starting to believe that i’m part of the problem (rationally, i know it’s not me and that it’s just me and my exes not being compatible). i’m starting to resent my own body and i’m starting to resent my ex for putting me through this and also not ending the relationship sooner because it was obvious for him that it wouldn’t work out in the end.

i think it’s important to mention that i am bisexual and am generally very attracted to women. i think the female body is absolutely beautiful and i love every part of it.

he is also attracted to men and i’ve suggested to him that maybe he is actually gay and doesn’t want to come to terms with it.

but this whole situation is messing with me head. i know it shouldn’t be this deep for me but i struggle with a lot of mental issues which i think is making this very hard for me to deal with.

it wasn’t easy for me to overcome these thoughts with my first bf after we broke up but i managed after a while. now that this has happened again i don’t even wanna touch myself down there and am also starting to think that my genitalia must be disgusting.

i apologize for this post being all over the place but i needed to vent and get these thoughts out of my head. thank you for everyone who has read this long ass post. i hope there’s someone that can help me overcome these thoughts and maybe calm me down a little. thank you.